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Off-Season is the Only Way to Buy Beard Ornaments, So What are You Waiting For?

The holidays are miserable because it’s even more difficult to get noticed by the cute dark-haired girl with the full sleeve tat at the food co-op. Summer stubble has grown out to winter beards and once again you look exactly as thoughtful and rugged filling up your repurposed organic burlap carryall as the last guy…

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Not Unemployed Deadspin Commenter Chris Kluwe Interviewed for In-Flight American Ninja Warrior Promo

Frienemy of the program Chris Kluwe was recently interviewed as part of a WSJ promo for American Ninja Warrior Season 8. For the under-traveled, WSJ is a “news” “channel” that broadcasts pre-recorded “snippets,” but only on jetBlue. It features E- list celebrities like Chris Kluwe and really only gets watched outside…

Upgrade Your Security With This Four-Pack of Double-Cylinder Deadbolts

Did you know most security professionals agree you should change your locks once a year? It’s true! You don’t know what your wife did with her key, just that she gave one to fucking Gary again. Where does that guy get off? Fucking Gary, thinks he can have a key to your house. But you can get extra protection from…