A Drunken Liveblog Of a Couple of Saved by the Bell Episodes

Well, my wife and kids are out of town for the weekend (yay for new jobs that won't let you go negative on vacation time) so it's time for another patented AltonBrownsBalls drunken liveblog. I recently discovered the podcast Go Bayside so this time we're breaking down a few random episodes of Saved By the Bell. The… » 4/19/14 11:35am Saturday 11:35am

Roundup - Friday, April 18, 2014

Just when you think initiation is over, Shitehawk and Senseless knock on your door at 3:52 AM with a nasty hankering for krokodil. To make a long story short, I'm punching out early to meet with a compliance officer today, because apparently the definition of "hazing" has expanded to include "blindfolding, kidnapping, and … » 4/18/14 6:02pm 4/18/14 6:02pm

Roundup - Thursday, April 17, 2014

I was half expecting you all to net some smaller tripe after yesterday's raucous performance, but you're only getting better goshdarnit! Chalk it up to stories that lend themselves to good jokes, I suppose. Nevertheless, hang on to your hats, ladies and gents, because today's Roundup is a twistin', turnin' tornader of… » 4/17/14 7:27pm 4/17/14 7:27pm

The Un-Americans: How Will Our CONCACAF Brethren Fare In Brazil?

Last November, the final round of World Cup qualifying wrapped up around the globe, giving us the full picture of which 32 countries will compete in Brazil this summer. In CONCACAF, 35 nations began the qualification process back in June 2011. After the final qualification round, the Hexagonal, four of those teams… » 4/17/14 1:25pm 4/17/14 1:25pm

A 17-year long Irish Wake: The Birth, Rise, and End of a Summer Golf…

The golf course exists as a place reserved for relaxation and a step away from the workaday problems from which we all suffer. There should never be anything more violent than a club striking a Titleist, excepting perhaps the thrown club, the kicked ball, or the well-timed explosive curse. The course is where we go to… » 4/17/14 12:27pm 4/17/14 12:27pm

A Dissection of 90's Pop Lyrics With Dr. Noodles: Thong Song

Now, before you dismiss Thong Song out of hand, you should know that there are five people credited with writing/composing this masterpiece, and I am convinced that with any fewer the point of this song would have been lost in translation. To successfully navigate the murky waters presented by platinum-domed demigod… » 4/17/14 11:46am 4/17/14 11:46am

The Deadliest Spin: A Noire Serial Fiction (Part 12)

Barry Petchesky cast a disbelieving eye over the day's events and shook his head. Goddamn incredible, he muttered to himself, stirring cold coffee and gazing out the window in Craggs' office. To anyone passing by, Barry was merely catching a break while watching the storm outside. Internally, however, the sportswriter… » 4/13/14 5:57pm 4/13/14 5:57pm