Editor’s note: who the fuck is this guy?

1. “Shoots and Ladders” - In the pantheon of bad KoRn songs, a place where “Twisted Transistor” not only exists but somehow charted at #64 in the U.S., we went with bagpipes and nursery rhymes? I mean, it’s a dumb song, but I don’t know if it even deserves a passing thought. (Here is a thought I have regarding bagpipes: I would definitely attempt sexual relations with them after several drinks. I’m not proud of this.)

2. “Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)” - Again, my quibble with this is that you had a perfectly awful song by the same band, later on, in “Original Prankster” - which, I grant you, probably wouldn’t exist without “Pretty Fly...” - and prominently features a sample of Rob Schneider’s character from The Waterboy. By selecting the earliest tinges of The Offspring turning into hot garbage, instead of a much more refined version of them as hot garbage, you’re basically ruining vaccinations for everyone who isn’t actually, literally the polio virus. Thanks a lot.

Advertisement

3. “Truly Madly Deeply” -

“Truly Madly Deeply” makes me roll my eyes, and then I move on with my day. This song makes me want to sue Disney or Dreamworks for the shitty late-90s animated feature this probably should have been inspired by, but does not actually exist. “When superstars and cannonballs are running through your head / And television freak show cops and robbers everywhere” are, no joke, the first two lines to this abomination. Shame. SHAME.

Advertisement

Advertisement

4. “Hold On” - As someone who was squarely in the demographic of Good Charlotte listeners when this album came out, um, huh? Honestly, I didn’t recall that this was a well-known song - or at least enough to warrant mention on here. You know what was a much worse song on that album? “The Day That I Die,” which had to have been a joke country song that somehow made it on the final cut.

5. “Walking In Memphis” - This is the theme song of bland Midwestern dentist office waiting rooms, and it suits me and these weirdly-greasy back issues of Time just fine, okay?