1. His collar says, “I’m a man of honor,” but his hair says, “I fuck all night.”

2. When Custer wasn’t warring, he enjoyed the finer things in life, like a nice wooden chair to rest his sexy bottom. . Hubba-hubba.

3. A man in uniform is a bedeviling sight—but a man in casual wear? The list of men who look good in fringe is short—Ultimate Warrior, and General Custer. What a heartbreaker.

4. “Where are my hands? Oh, they’re framing my bulge? Pure coincidence. But now that I have your attention, just know this won’t be Custer’s last stand.” - General Custer. This is a real quote.

5. Here he is, fresh from peeping at civilian women with his binoculars. You can tell by his expression that he rather enjoyed what he saw.

6. In the words of Bryan Adams, “Tell me have you ever really, really really ever fucked a walrus.”

7. Just before this photo was taken a soldier refused stand for the National Anthem. Just imagine Custer’s furrowed brow as he mashed that young soldier’s head into jagged rocks. I know I’m wet.