First of a series on how to recognize the most powerful people in the nation’s most popular sport.
Team: Arizona Cardinals
Owner: Bill Bidwill
Beverage of Choice: a glass of house Chardonnay at 50% off during Wednesday Happy Hour.
Source of Wealth: Thirty years of pharmaceutical manufacturer bribe money. Upon retirement, grew moustache to conceal true identity.
Team: Atlanta Falcons
Owner: Arthur Blank
Notable Achievement: no-show for owner’s meeting on franchise relocation.
Excuse: stopped to tie Nell Fenwick to the railroad tracks and subsequently missed the connecting flight from Saskatoon.
Team: Baltimore Ravens
Owner: Steve Bisciotti
Beverage of Choice: Foster’s Lager
Shunned For: adopting a cheesy Scottish accent and scaring all the neighborhood children.
Team: Carolina Panthers
Owner: Jerry Richardson
Part-Time Job: Body doubles Lenin at the mausoleum in Red Square whenever the real Lenin goes in for a cleaning.
St. Louis Los Angeles Rams
Owner: Stan Kroenke
Beverage of Choice: Absinthe, with a splash of puppy blood.
Fun Fact: addresses all members of the domestic staff as “Cato”.
Team: Detroit Lions
Owner: Martha Ford
Beverage of Choice: A cup of Chamomile tea, borne upon a silver salver by a Chippendale’s dancer.
Arrested For: crashing White House state dinners under an assumed name.
Team: San Diego Chargers
Owner: Alex Spanos
Early Career: failed comic and game show host.
Notable Gaffe: playing the canned laugh track during that “I Hate Losing” interview.
Team: Buffalo Bills
Owner: Terry Pegula
Former Career: character actor
Claim to Fame: played the hey-I-know-that-guy roles in all those Mel Brooks films.