To improve transparency and foster a greater sense of community among the Sidespin faithful, I am revealing the previously undocumented middle name of each contributor in a list below. But first, a brief history of the middle name.

Middle names are primarily used to scold children. "Timothy Alexander Hargrove!" "Lauren Nacogdoches Martin!" "Ryan Van Huson Holloway!" etc.

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The origin of the middle name traces back to the eleventh century A.D., when the Nissan Corporation was attempting to find some way to brand farm animals (they worked primarily in livestock back then—primarily in Indiana). Branding was already a popular form of livestock identification, but differentiation was something else entirely. Galloway Smith, Senior VP of Marketing and Communications for the upstart cooperation, created and hand-wrote the middle name of each calf on its left shank. The rest, as they say, happened according to predetermined fate.

Now that you know the facts, here is a list of additional facts. Please remember, I am not your father or mother and as a result, did not conceive you via sexual inter or outercourse. This is the data as I received it. Some of these names are obviously re-purposed surnames, others are probably family names. Please don't poke fun at one another. This is sensitive information!

The list

  • Miserable Huston Shitehawk
  • Milo Chesterfield Minderbinder
  • Madoffs Enervatious Mets
  • RMJ=(Arthur)H
  • Erg Walter
  • Washed Up Kansas Sportscaster
  • Same Sad Plymouth Echo
  • Stuart Holden Scott's Eye
  • rhythm Howard method
  • Mangini in a Lee Bottle
  • Doug Douglas Exeter
  • Bring Back Anthony Cedric Mason
  • Batmans Geraldine Robyn
  • Coming From Inside The Leroy House
  • Old Beige Warren Guy
  • human Cornelius Suitcase
  • Bronze David Hammer
  • Evil Roy Marie Slade
  • Snoop Justice A Loop
  • Derry Marcus Murbles
  • Jacques Left Darren Feet
  • Pleather(Colin)face
  • Jay Michael Sanin
  • Universal Enveloping Peter Algebra
  • Chris Mortimer Holmes
  • Redman(Victor)prime7
  • Jeffvan(Hamish)hungry
  • rubdirtinit(Thomas)takealap
  • Curtis Boniqua Wenis
  • Fusilli Gary Cecil Bettman
  • Ray(Jeremy)sism
  • Alton Brown's Wendell Balls
  • cobrah, Samuel brah
  • Mr Rodgers Dayton Neighborhood
  • Dingo Enzo Den
  • GRUNGE(EZEKIEL)BANJO
  • Morried in the Lewin Gary
  • A Magician Named Lawrence God
  • The Infant Benjamin Tyrone
  • Benoit...Nevaeh...Balls
  • Iron Mike Prudence Gallego
  • The Amazing Wallace Sneijderman
  • Freeman Doyle McNeil
  • Girl(Eunice)wonder X

I hope that I have improved transparency and fostered a greater sense of community. I love you.