Recently, Gawrker received a tip about attorney to the stars, Charles J Harder, positively deficating all over Bollea v. Gawker. We looked into it and confirm: there was just shit absolutely everywhere. Every time he took the floor it was shit. Shit Shit Shit. Charles J Harder, just takin a big’ ol dump, all over Pinellas County.

Man, I feel sorry for those guys. Turns out, Pinellas County residents will be using their tax dollars to clean his shit up. It should be upsetting when your judicial system just lets people drop trou and Cleveland Steam all over the courthouse while your court officials cheer them on like a constipated dog. Enjoy back-patting yourself for giving $140m to a guy who won’t see a dollar, guys, but hope you’ve got an inside-out plastic bag, cause you’re already grabbing a big ol’ handful of this dump.

I mean, did you see the transcripts to this thing?

Hon. PAM CAMBELL: Please repeat that into the microphone

CHARLES J HARDER, ESQ: [turns bare ass toward microphone]

I’ll note again here again that this is on the record. Just go dig through the court transcripts and you’ll see all the hot turds that were left behind every time he took the floor. If you can’t find that sweet poo action, just look for the parts of the transcripts that start with CHARLES J HARDER, ESQ: and you should find just an absolute explosion of scat after that.

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Man, would you want an attorney who can’t stop shitting everywhere at the plaintiff’s table? I wouldn’t. “How much of that shit is going to end up on me? I’m rich and famous, I want people to adore me, that’s going to be hard to do when I’m blanketed in a sheen of Charles J Harder’s diarrhea!”

It’s true. Charles J Harder will absolutely spatter you in human feces every time you enter the courtroom as he maniacally laughs about it. Because that’s what Charles J Harder does. A toilet bowl the size of the ocean couldn’t hold all the massive, putrid, stinking, continent-sized turds that Charles J Harder is thrilled to leave all over the First Amendment.