I kinda suck at writing. I'm also not the funniest person on the face of the Earth. My mom thinks the opposite of both those things, but she also thought it was a good idea to have me and live poor rather than have an abortion and rent a nice apartment like a reasonable person so what the fuck does she know?
Anyhoo, I just wanna say, I'm sorry. I've been posting some shit here on Sidespin and doing my thing in the Deadspin comments and I get some stars, but look at who those stars are coming from. Not Same Sad Echo. Not Erg. Not Chid. Sometimes I'll get something from Miserable Shitehawk, but I think that's just out of pity and he doesn't want to regret giving me author privileges. I'm pretty sure Raysism actually thinks I was molested at one point in my life (and there's nothing wrong with that! But it's one of those deals where I feel like if we met in real life he would do that thing where you try really hard not to stare. Like when you see someone with no legs for the first time... Or when someone from North Dakota winds up in line at a McDonalds with a black person for the first time..... I wasn't molested)
I never looked at comment sections before a friend turned me onto Deadspin about two years ago. Comment sections were a dredge of racism, homophobia, sexism and general stupidity. Viewing comment sections in my mind was congruent to Googling pictures of beheadings. And really, I still feel that way.
Deadspin comments were different though. Many times they were more entertaining than the actual articles. The jokes were smart, even the dumb ones. The best way to describe it is to borrow a line from Super Troopers (Goddamnit just keep reading I'm almost done).
But [Deadspin Commenters'] shenanigans are cheeky and fun!
Yeah, and [most other website commenters'] shenanigans are cruel and tragic.
Which... makes them not really shenanigans at all.
I wanted to get in on that action. Who wouldn't? It's a way to escape work. But I don't want to be that guy who shows up in the middle of senior year and just starts going to house parties uninvited. I don't wanna be JosephFinn. And I feel like I'm going down that path. Serving up lazy, easy jokes and collecting lazy, easy stars. So again, I am very sorry for that. I'm gonna keep pluggin away over here and everyone's gonna keep thinking I'm a weird guy who tells girls I write on Sidespin (I don't actually do that.... usually..... Sometimes I'll tell them I read Jezebel), but I hope I can make ya laugh at some point.
I was just kidding about that abortion thing...
Dave Hitler's logo was the best one. That's all I really wanted to say.