"Hi there, welcome back, Sugar! Hard to believe it's been six months. How have you been? Good? I thought so.

"Just sit right there. Let's see. You had batwing X-rays last time, so no need to do those again this time. Will you be doing fluoride at this visit? No? You sure? It's been...hmm...12 months since the last time. Okay. I thought you would say that.

"Alright lay back down there and I'll get my tools. You have little kids right? I thought so. My, they sure do grow up quick. Here's some water and suction for you. That picture over there is my daughter on her wedding day. Can you believe that? Okay, a little water more here and make sure to suction so you don't choke.

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"Goodness. Seems like just yesterday... you have some plaque on these bottom molars - you'll need to start flossing a bit better there... you don't floss at all, do you? I didn't think so. It's a good habit to get into. I should make little tiny signs to hang up next your bathroom mirror 'Don't forget to floss!'

"Anyway, seems like just yesterday she was taking her first steps and now all of sudden she's married. We used to watch the Amazing Race together. Do you ever watch that show? You do? I thought so. A little poke here - looks like the gums are sensitive. Did you see the dentists last season? Woo boy. I thought the were going to win it all. They were a good team and they won 5 or 6 legs of the race. Can you open a little wider? Thanks. Then, of course, they had to put the gays on that show. Why do they always have to put the fucking faggots on every show? God it just makes me sick, those goddamn queers. More suction right here sweetheart. Open a little wider too.

"Do you want the polish or the salt scrub? Salt scrub? I thought so. The dentist will be right in to see you."