Boom. Big story just hit. Okay, put down the sandwich. Actually, take a big bite of the sandwich first. Wow, great sandwich. I'm definitely coming back to that bad boy in a minute. Back to the story. While it's still fresh, I gotta do my thing. I'm hopping on Twitter to crack some jokes and read some even better jokes. This is gonna be great.

That's me. That's what I do. It's hard for me to imagine people doing anything other than that, really. It's the perfect way to digest news. But, for whatever reason — like maybe they have a job or some wacky shit like that — some people go a different route. There are people who heard about Jason Collins coming out and, instead of tweeting about it, had to sit down and write interesting, long-form pieces. I've got no quarrel with those type of folks. Blogs are the backbone of this nation, and if they only posted 140 characters at a time, they wouldn't make any money, evidently. Godspeed, bloggers.

I really don't have a quarrel with Tim Brando, either. Well, I do, actually, but engaging with a "Christian White male over 50 that's raised a family" is intimidating as all get out, especially when you know going in he's about as intellectually honest as the little toothpaste crusties you forget to wipe off the side of your mouth.

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Also, it's not really all that interesting to me that a prominent televised sports personality has a deplorable opinion. There are lots of those floating around. What is marginally interesting to me is that no one will ever be able to communicate with Brando by flashing the appropriate hand signals that tell him to climb down from his tree, stop eating that delicious mango, and explain how Collins allegedly being motivated to come out in part by his career aspirations would be any different than a minor broadcasting celebrity being spurred to share his antiquated and inadequate view on homosexuals in order to stir up listeners for his daily radio show.

But like I said, I'm not engaging with Tim Brando. His rant spawned some pretty gross stuff, though.

[Federal agent kicks down a Christian's front door] DROP ALL THE OPINIONS NOW RIGHT NOW

"Fav if the intolerance could be better"

Anyhow, a lot of people get frazzled when they have to answer for their opinions. People who agree with them often remember the one time someone a little bit smarter called them out for their shitty thoughts. That fear of being very obviously wrong (and more importantly, everyone knowing how wrong they are) is what compels them to close ranks, or to RT the sympathetic hangers-on.

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The constant, frenzied affirmation that "It's just my opinion", "#SorryNotSorry" and "This is America" is indicative of vulnerability. The rallying cry of the victimized majority to defend freedom of speech from the "tolerant left" is indicative of something worse, like a brain parasite.

But the fervent denial that there could be anything wrong with being a bad person that has bad thoughts reminded me of something else: the bizarre, romantic obsessions that (mostly) teenage girls have developed with mass murderers and terrorists. There's no making yourself feel better about the legions of young women twisted by rhetoric and corrupted by predatory institutions. But at least they'll grow up.

Unlike the #FreeJahar girls, though, Tim Brando isn't growing. On the contrary, he's already functioning at the full height of his power. And isn't it so small.