Favorites and duds from today's* commenting
Apologies for the would've once been later than usual, but now is the standard amount of late Roundup. Yours truly made pork tonight and the dump truck full of industrial strength cleaning solvent I ordered to make the kitchen inhabitable by humans again had a rip in the hose so we're staying in a hotel.
This whole post was working blue, but kudos to DougExeter for gutting out probably the most explicit (and funniest) penis joke in the Restaurant Manager thread. They say brevity is the soul of wit; but saying some gross shit about your dick is pretty good, too. His joke in the Budweiser thread was even better, and it's the Comment of the Day not because it received one of the single worst replies I have ever read on this site or any other, but because it's original and hilarious and subversive and goddanged good. Thanks, Doug.
On the opposite side of the coin, you can wring plenty out of a ribald set-up with a high-class backhand, and The Amazing Sneijderman does just that with this literary number. I swear to Christ, between Sneijijdereijdamien and Steve U's Schrodinger's Underscore, I've spent an embarrassingly large portion of my life hitting cmd+tab to make sure I'm not rubbing a big brown free range egg on my face, and I've only been doing this for like a month. (Also I'm two years old)
Damn, cobra, brah!, that's a really funny recontextualization in the Kate Nolan post. I'll cop to not watching the video — nothing is going to top that slam. I still think the recon as a format is mostly dead, but this was a fun counterexample.
Puerile, infantile, outright stupid. And funny, SideBar. This is not something I see working all that well in the macro, and I'll bet we see more of the 1/2 pee-pee caca jokes as Fox Sports ascends to proto-relevancy, but as far as I'm concerned, this is the first, and it made me laugh.
[Reading off teleprompter] It wouldn't be a Roundup without Raysism, would it? Here's a very characteristically sharp gag in the Bleached Gatorade post that was showered with praise by everyone except the idiot who had to also point out that Ray's name sounds like something else. Hehehehehe, I wonder if he's ever thought of that? Clod.
Speaking of solid jokes with shitty replies, I liked EditBay's simple pun in the same post. I guess that puts me into the elite fraternity of 49 people who also saw the joke and laughed, eh, illinifan1280? Boy we're a motley crew. God I hate this shit.
Sit right there, though, because that same thread saw an old-fashioned pyramid!!!!!! Wow!
And the hits just keep coming for international megaconglomerate InBev, as noted alcohol drinker IronMikeGallego has revealed that he does not care for one of their most successful products. This was a fresh take, though. Unlike the hops in Bud Light!!!!!!
Finally, how about a little love for this idiot dialogue from Bevraj of Choice way back in the Chipper Jones thread from this morning? I loved it. Pretty bold to write a miniature play featuring Chipper Jones and make the other guy the idiot. Tremendous work.
Total Fucking Duds
Okay, wow, well, I kind of meant to breeze through the favorites because my real passion today is the Duds, but before I get there, I'll say that today was a really excellent day for commenting. That favorites list is long! And it's without my usual bloviation, to boot. Really strong stuff from all over the board today. In fact, there are no duds for today.
*Yesterday, however, is a different story.
Yes, I'm expanding my jurisdiction for duds all the way to yesterday at 9:33PM and beyond to include a horrifically unfunny and offensive joke at the expense of Indian Americans, Indians, and Sikhs, as well as a seriously disturbing and intimidating comment from 2011 that hints at much more than I'm willing to discuss in a comment criticism blog post. But I'm choosing to take these on for a good reason, partially explained by this illuminating comment in the same thread from yesterday as above. Let me be clear:
Simulord, you do not live here. You are not a part of this place. You got the racist, sexist and insensitive part right, that's for sure, but Deadspin is not your place. Your place is the sad, false world you've dreamed up in which you are funny and edgy and welcome. This place, the one we inhabit, is one full of creative and hilarious people who, though they sometimes make mistakes, are thoughtful and intelligent enough to know when they've done so. This place is full of people of various genders, ethnicities, religions, and so on who don't want to have to wade through garbage to get to the entertaining and non-threatening parts of their day. This place is full of people who don't want or need your gross schtick.
If it seems unfair to pick on a comment from so far back, then I'm sorry for that. But there is a pattern here, and it's clear. You're not interested in contributing anything of value to this site or the people who make it up. You'd much rather embarrass yourself and shit on someone else in the process. Well, hey, I can do that, too. Your comments are bad, and you seem bad, too. Go deal with your issues and come back with a better attitude and funny material, or don't come back at all. Maybe go get a vibrator.
Everyone else, see you Friday.