This morning, Same Sad Echo gave us his thoughts on "Rude" by Magic!. While this piece, asserting that "Rude" by Magic! is bad and wrong, was basically written already on beer and e-commerce blog Deadspin, it is no better now than it was in July. I have decided to address Mr. Echo's thoughts below. His words are blockquoted, while mine are not.

First, let's dispense with the obvious. There is no good reason for a grown adult man to be thinking about the song Rude by Magic!.

It appears we're on the same page here. So far so good, Echo.

But trying to ferret out the exact reason is like puzzling why someone would surf a dead whale carcass while surrounded by tiger sharks. I guess the answer is "because people are idiots," but let's push things forward.

I mean, you could always just remind yourself that, and I quote, "there is no good reason for a grown adult man to be thinking about the song Rude by Magic!" and be done with it. That would be prudent in this scenario.

Preamble

If you aren't familiar with the song, there it is above in all its, um, glory? Warning, this may be NSFW, if you work in a place where you may get murdered for listening to really, really crappy songs.

Most people happen to work in positive and supportive work environments which allow them to grow as people and professionals. It's troublesome that you would assume the standard work environment is full of murder, to be honest.

Problem 1

I guess "everything" may be a bit too much to chew on under the Problem 1 heading, so perhaps we should limit this to everything musical about the song.

If I may speak for everyone, I'd say that Mr. Echo's refusal to get to the point and say everything, if that's his opinion, is frustrating to me. But I guess when you have to worry about being murdered all day at work, being concise isn't on your radar.

The song is undeniably, categorically awful. It has no redeeming musical qualities, other than it technically contains notes and a rhythm and a melody, and therefore qualifies as "music" under the generally accepted definition.

A lot of work was put into this song, presumably, and that hard work has clearly paid off. Not sure why we'd try to take that away from the people who put in the effort to put the song together.

I don't have Garage Band, but I'm guessing the background of this song comes as free demo under the heading Genres/Reggae/DudeSeriously/WhateverItsYourFuneralBuddy.

Those last two genres aren't real genres in Garage Band. You may have purchased or downloaded an illegitimate copy of that software, friend. Please perform a virus scan at your earliest convenience.

As a special bonus, kids (who suck) love this song, so they will sing it and sing it and sing it and it will get stuck in your head.

That seems like your fault for having/being around children. Take some responsibility in your life.

Problem 2

Women as property! Yay!

Now, I don't have a problem necessarily with the idea of asking a father for his permission to wed his daughter. I did it.

That poor, poor lady.

Shockingly, daughters are not the properties of fathers, so for me it wasn't about literal permission as much as being respectful to an old tradition that was important to my inlaws. I was planning on asking my wife's father and mother but for a variety of reasons it was logistically impossible for me to be with them without my wife around.

Yeah, logistically impossible with an attitude like the one you're displaying.

That said, Hippy Longstocking up there doesn't seem to care too much about his future wife's feelings on anything. Note, he doesn't even ask the question properly:

"Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life"

You can have a soy milk latte. You can have hemorrhoids. You can't have a person, unless you are playing Fantasy Plantation Owner with your racist buddies (and seriously, that would be a fucked up game to play. Don't play that.).

[Fanduel.com pays Same Sad Echo $40 in royalties for the shoutout]

What you can do is form a joint partnership with another person, based on mutual love and respect.

Unless you're Same Sad Echo, at which point you hope to form a joint partnership with another person, based on holy shit please tolerate me please I'll do whatever you say I'm so alone pleeeeeeeeease.

But did you ask your girlfriend about it? Did you ever stop to think that maybe her father's opinion might carry some weight, and she may need to think a little more on making a life-altering decision? No you didn't, or you would have said "we're going to get married anyway."

What if he spoke to his girlfriend about marriage already, and he's just going through the formality of asking her father to be nice when they plan on getting married regardless? That's at least in the realm of possibility, yet is completely discounted here.

And then, of course, the ultimate in deluded power fantasies:

"You know she's in love with me

She will go anywhere I go"

I'm going to hazard that this guy has written her wedding vows for her already, and they go a little something like this: I promise to love, honor, and obey you, and I really mean the obey part, I have no hopes and dreams or aspirations of my own that you may want to take into consideration, my smart darling husband, hey would you like a blowjob or anal now?

There's not even a rhyme scheme or discernible rhythm to those vows. If you even listened to the song "Rude" by Magic! you'd know that this person has a better way with words than those pretend vows.

Problem 3

He's upset about the wrong fucking thing. When the father (quite rightfully, tbh) says no, Captain Romantic is not mad about the substance of the denial, but rather the manner in which it was communicated.

Maybe that's because he wants to marry his lady anyway, because love conquers all. We don't know. We're all just assuming the worst about someone we don't know.

That is, he doesn't ask why (although it's painfully obvious, he's a self-centered misogynist asshole), and he doesn't object to the no. Instead, his main beef is that the father showed the lack of proper decorum in the rejection. That his manners were rude.

There is not a tire fire hot enough to throw this asshole onto.

Once the tires start burning, the temperature of the fire doesn't vary much from tire fire to tire fire. If that temperature isn't sufficient, you may need to look another direction entirely, but then it'd be foolish to even think to use the clearly insufficient tire fire.

Conclusion

These have been some of the problems I have with the song Rude by Magic!.

Don't remind me.

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This post was created in loving memory of Sgt. Hammerclaw, who I only interacted with on the Internet when he totally owned my Mario Kart rankings one time. May he rest in peace.

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