J'Accuse!: An Open Letter From Nick Denton

[Editor's note: every Thursday, as is my wont, I peruse Parisian newspapers and pamphleteering rags to stay abreast of the latest in slander, libel, and muck-rucking culture. Much to my surprise, today's L'Aurore ran an open letter from the pen of Gawker Media's own Nick Denton, addressed to anyone who will listen. Below is a transcript and translation as best I can muster.]

From: Nick Denton

To: Gawker Media editors, writers, readers, and commenters

Dear Sirs and Ladies,

Yesterday, Tom Scocca ran a rather scathing piece at my expense regarding Gawker Media's recent changes to its commenting platform vis-à-vis a new Kinja update. I can only assume that Mr. Scocca's essay marks a line in the sand, whence personal preferences now trump professional demeanor and duty. Having struck this terminus post quem Mr. Scocca has out-reached his official capacity as deputy editor of Gawker Media, and I must respond in kind.

As I have maintained from the outset, the newest Kinja update places author and critic, author and source, and author and reader on equal footing in real-time discussion. I am appalled that Mr. Scocca and others of his ilk are hesitant to engage our esteemed readership on a level playing field. Who do you think you are, Mr. Scocca? Does a completed book manuscript elevate your divine pen above that of our readers? Our readers—perhaps some of the best practitioners of English on the internet—deserve better, Mr. Scocca. What are you afraid of, Mr. Scocca? The Kinja update only serves egalitarian ends. As such, our more established commenters now sit elbow-to-elbow with newer, fresher, more anonymous and vociferous minds. This can only end well, Mr. Scocca.

I lodge the following complaints against those within Gawker's ranks still harboring futile thoughts of dissent:

1. I ACCUSE: Tom Scocca of maliciously attacking my decision to move forward with the Kinja update, in the form of an extended op-ed lambasting my vision for Gawker Media's journalistic aspirations. I further accuse Mr. Scocca of belittling what at the time seemed honest, well-formed opinions about Instagram and African Americans' creative use of that app.

2. I ACCUSE: John Cook of betraying my confidence in the form of a GChat, later published in Mr. Scocca's essay, that portrays me in less-than-stellar light. As I hope Mr. Cook knows, such remarks were context sensitive and—it goes without saying—the result of four bottles of an expensive Argentinian Malbec (I here omit the vintage in order to avoid detached elitism).

3. I ACCUSE: Caity Weaver of participating in the GChat mentioned above and laughing roundly at my expense.

4. I ACCUSE: Tom Ley of neglecting to engage this reader on equal footing, pursuant to the goals and mission of the recent Kinja update. How can we be sure you're not in the NBA's pocket, Mr. Ley?

5. I ACCUSE: Raysism of making mockery of the newest Kinja by asking whether Barry Petchesky is required to speak to you now (of course he's fucking required to speak to you now, you arrogant ass).

6. I ACCUSE: Barry Petchesky of responding to Raysism in said thread, and in so doing denying that he must respond to Raysism (which he of course must, pursuant to the Kinja update's lofty goals and mission).

7. I ACCUSE: Kyle Wagner of defecating in the glove compartment of my Jaguar XJ-7 at Deadspin's most recent Super Bowl party.

8. I ACCUSE: Tommy Craggs, Deadspin editor no less, of incessantly inquiring after the health of my bowels following every goddamn trip to the men's room. Seriously, Mr. Craggs? Does that smell worse than the Kinja update? Get fucked, dude.

I could go on for days, but I'll pass over numerous and sundry assaults on my character and business decisions. I hope this concludes myriad internal bitching and moaning that has accompanied what otherwise should be a smooth transition.

With all respect and kindest regards,

Nick Denton, Managing Editor, Gawker.com