Roger Goodell's presser today was, as Ryan Van Bibber put it, "Bureaucratic Immune Response" of the first order. Any reader worth their salt knows that Goodell had rehearsed lines before facing the firing squad, so let's take a deeper look at those lines.

I propose that we, collectively, parse the Goodell Transcript together, and take a look at the vapid rhetoric his "team of experts" prepared for him. (You can download the transcript at that link as a .txt file for easier word-searchability.)

My initial searches have turned up the following statistics:

And the real kicker thus far:

Include your findings in the comments, and I'll be picking away at this over the weekend with hopefully some more in-depth rhetorical analysis. Happy Friday.