Welcome to LISTEN UP, BUTTHOLES!!!!!1!!1!!!, a new Sidespin feature by an ignorant jerk. All takes are hot and original.

HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS ARE GOOD BECAUSE THEY HELP KEEP PEOPLE IN LINE

Imagine the anarchy in the streets if people could do WHATEVER THEY WANTED. It's like how if you have attractive kids, you have to be extra cruel to them so they learn humility.

EGGNOG IS A GOOD DRINK

People who don't like egg nogg don't support the dairy farmers of the U-S-A ergo are terrorists, ergo deserve the fiery depths of my specific version of hell that I believe inTELL ME I'M WRONG!!!! PROVE IT!!!!

AN ELITE HERO QB WOULD HAVE DIED IN THAT CAR ACCIDENT TO REMIND YOU HOW SELFLESS AN ELITE HERO QB IS

Cam Newton said it best when he said "Someone should have died." It's like he knows he's not elite and he's just TAUNTING us with it!!!!11!!!1!!!

KALE IS THE LETTUCE OF THE MIDDLE CLASS (WATERCRESS IS THE KALE OF THE 1%)

DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT LEAFY GREENS.

BASEBALL WOULD BE BETTER IF THERE WERE 5 BASES, EACH WITH A WAIST-HIGH CYLINDER WHERE YOU HAD TO DEPOSIT A LARGE BALL, AND INFIELDERS COULD TACKLE YOU TO PREVENT YOU FROM COMPLETING YOUR TASK

Just sayin'.