If this is going to turn into the lamest inter-city beef that’s ever existed, please fucking kill me now. First the Raptors, then the Jays, now Drake chalks up the third loss in the great 2016 Cleveland thwomping of Toronto. A loss is one thing, but this one came by default. A sickening, upsetting, wrong-headed default. There must have been someone, somewhere in the OVO echo chamber who possessed the 6th grade “classroom mediator” training to prevent this:

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Rap like I know I’m the greatest and give you the tropical flavors
Still never been on hiatus
You stay xan and perc’ed up so when reality set in you don’t gotta face it.

There’s not much subtlety or shit to read into on “Two Birds, One Stone,” which Drake dropped last night in response to Kid Cudi criticizing his writing ability. That’s a stupid thing to criticize on Cudi’s part (music should be about the art and not the liner notes), but fine. Drake crossed the line.

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There’s one thing that’s off-limits in rap beef, has always been off-limits, and always will be off-limits: disability(1). Forget rap, this is basic human decency shit. Cudi is in inpatient counseling for severe depression which ain’t exactly a weekend getaway. You’re free to have whatever opinion you want but there’s only one you can express: “what a brave thing to do.” Because it is brave! Cudi made himself vulnerable to garbage like this from garbage people like Drake. And it wasn’t just low-hanging fruit, Drake also waited on the track until enough shit to fell to the bottom of the tank. He couldn’t dis Cudi on his talent(2) so once he was in therapy went with the equivalent of “nice wheelchair, cripple.” If that offended you, it should. I hope what Drake said did too.

And by the way, it serves to mention: this is Drake we’re talking about. A guy who made an entire fucking career out of acting depressed. Is this all a big joke to him? Did it never occur to him that people actually struggle with fame and attention?(3) BECAUSE THAT’S THE ONLY FUCKING SONGS HE’S EVER WRITTEN! Who expects to say “yo dawg, can’t bag on depression like that” to a guy who spends HOURS talking about the very subject?(4)

But then on the other hand, you step away from it and there’s also this karmic symmetry, you know? Because what “reality” is Drake talking about that’s different than mine? Aren’t we both witnessing one of the most vicious self-owns that’s ever come out on record? “Views?” Has he been on Twitter this morning? He should be thankful Cudi doesn’t have a phone to see the backlash because he’d laugh so hard he’d piss himself. Hell, I hope it comes up in his sessions because they would outpatient him. “He’s found a reason to endure, and it’s to see how Drake fucks his life up next.” This is fucking ridiculous. No one has had a worse 2016 than Drake, and that includes David Bowie and Prince. You can safely score this for Cudi who didn’t say a word yet put out a better dis track.

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So I don’t know if this laughter is from my blinding rage or marveling at the cosmic failure, but either way: fuck the stupidest, most uninspired and self-sabotaging dude in the game right now. Fuck Drake.


notsomethingstructural (aka @nss_ds) is an amateur listicle purveyor and the author of “The 25 Best Hip Hop Albums of All Time”. He co-authored the record-setting #WorstSongBracket and is terrible at Twitter.

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(1)Homosexuality is almost as taboo, but to make it apples and apples you’d have to imagine a dis track aimed at Jason Collins calling him “fag.”
(2)Let it be known I have never been much of a Cudi fan but have enjoyed and defended the majority of Drake’s work.
(3)If you are ever struggling with depression, please, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. There are professionals who are trained to and want to help you.
(4)A bottom-feeder who misrepresented himself? Guess you could call Drake… a Catfish!!!1