Freeman McNeil: Good morning, and thanks for sitting down with me today. What do you prefer to be called? Hamilton? Ham? Hambone?

Hamilton Nolan: Whatever. I was told there would be artisan doughnuts here.

FMcN: Sorry to disappoint, Ham-Dog. Is it difficult to chase Pokemon when you have to constantly work for The Man at Univision?

HN: I can chase Pokemon any damn place and any damn time I see fit Mr. McNeil.

FMcN: So I gotta say Ham-Wallet, people were disappointed when Gawker shut down, but have you heard all the noise people are making about Gawrker?

HN: I don’t understand what you’re saying.

FMcN: What’s it like having to lower yourself to write with the peons over at Deadspin, Sheriff of Notting-Ham? Do you even like sports?

HN: What are sports?

FMcN: Exactly. So New Hamsterdam, what did you think of the Yankees basically pushing A-Rod out the door?

HN: Why would pushing a rod have anything to do with sports?

FMcN: Do you like the new commenters that are now exposed to your writing over at Deadspin, Hammy Davis Jr?

HN: I want to hurt you.

FMcN: Emotionally?

HN: Is there any other way?

FMcN: I’m asking the questions here, Ham-Wow.

HN: This interview is over.

FMcN: It is?

HN: Is it?

FMcN: This interview is over!

HN: Thanks for having me over today.

FMcN: No problem, Hamalama Ding Dong.

*not an actual interview