Well, today we have the first day of the NFL draft. We saw a lot of action in the first round that shook up things. Let’s review the highs and lows for the first 10 picks.

First pick - Browns: Wow! They took who is universally thought of as the number one player in Myles Garrett. Everyone thought they would fuck this up, as Browns do so often that original jokes are hard to make. Seriously. At least Garrett will get paid, seeing as he won’t know a winning team.

Second pick - Bears: The Bears did the second dumbest thing in the draft when they traded up 1 spot, just one damn spot to land a QB. Not even the most highly rated QB. You see, like a moth flying into a candle’s fire, so go the Bears, chasing the light. They don’t have the quarter back they need in Trubisky. He might not be terrible, but the Bears are in no position to throw this guy to the wolves.

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Third pick - Niners: They took a decent pick, a smart pick for a change. Solomon Thomas should actual do well. Jed York being will make sure he never knows what a winning team feels like. The ghost of Harbaugh will haunt this team.

Fourth pick - Jagoffs: They do have a backfield now. Leonard Fournette should give them a back that will get in holes like a bull in the cow pasture. Now, just to make those holes.

Fifth pick - Titans: It felt like the Titans should have went in a different direction here. But, they did get quality in WR Corey Davis. I’m on the fence about this pick. The Titans has needs. I have needs. NEEDS! I’m so confused. So are the Titans, apparently.

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Sixth pick - Jets: The Jets make me laugh. Whether it’s a butt fumble or the ability to move the ball more than minus 5 feet. Just so hilarious! But, this time, they did themselves solid, like they are purposely trying to not make me laugh. They took a good safety in Jamal Adams. Of course, they will still suck. Jets fans understand that, or should, by now.

Seventh pick - Chargers: They don’t matter. So, let’s state the basics. They drafted a wide receiver in Mike Williams out of Clemson. Good pick. Shitty team. Now a shitty team in LA, making me hate the 405 even more.

Eighth pick - Panthers: Man, they picked up one of my favorite players in Christian McCaffrey. And he went to a place where his talents will be as valuable as his dad’s. I’m a KC fan, so I hate watched the hell out of his dad. Plus Christian will actually help out in so many ways. This is a great pick that fits with the Panthers.

Ninth pick - Bengals: Well, they did need a receiver.

Tenth pick - The Mighty KC!: I was so surprised and jumping up and down when they traded up to take the 10th pick. Yes! We had every possibility going into this!

Yep. We fucking traded up to get a QB. Fuck that shit! He has great arm strength, but that is all I can say good about him. They passed over Watson for him. Just another year where we will make the playoffs and then lose. Yeah.

Watson. I wish we took you.

Those ducking assholes.