A Brief Discussion Of A Terrible ThingS

I've been haranguing Red Sox fans as of late, but honestly, I don't hate them. In fact, some of my best friends are Red Sox fans! Look at my poster of Carl Yastremski! Look at my Dropkick Murphys greatest hits cd! I can't possibly be a Red Sox hater!

I kid. But honestly, when the Sox won it all in 2004, I was happy for my (stupid) friends. I knew just how awesome it felt to have your team win it all after such a long time. I knew it was a great moment for them, and tried not to be a dick about it.

And that's what I tried to do this year (with the exception, perhaps, of some well-timed poetry). The narrative has gotten a little thinner, sure - first Series clinched at home? Really?

A Brief Discussion Of A Terrible ThingS


But honestly, a good sport lets winners celebrate. Like this friend of a friend in this Facebook post. A Yankee fan, extending a laurel, and hearty handshake:

Yankee Fan: Congrats to the Sox and to my Boston friends that are fans, which is most of you...worst to first is impressive...

A nice gesture, and depending on your level of fandom, a difficult one to make. And then...

Red Sox Fan: Not only impressive; unprecedented!

Ok, fine. They earned it. The players on the team, that is. The fans earned nothing, as they weren't the ones actually hitting and running and catching and spitting sunflower seeds all over the place.

Yankee Fan: To be clear, I'm not a Sox fan and not converting ever. Good sportsmanship, like good shoes, never goes out of style.

Getting a little testy? Maybe. But clarification of the written word is always a good idea. But then, IT HAPPENS.

Red Sox Fan: I don't see how you couldn't.
I became a Braves fan simply because I lived around Atlanta, (and it's a different league,) and supported them.
The one thing that makes this Boston team so much better is their teamwork and spirit. Nobody was the hero, everyone played their part for the greater good, and I don't know of a baseball team with more guts and good sportsmanship than them.

Good fucking grief. That little gem right there will keep me throwing up in my mouth for eternity (I do realize that a very similar paragraph is probably written every year about whatever team happens to win). But good fucking grief, look at that self-congratulatory, kool-aid drunken tripe of asshattery. People actually believe this. People actually belive this. PEOPLE ACTUA-

[pulls hair out]

[punches cat]

[grinds fillings out]

[takes deep breath]

[counts to 10]

But as I said, I'm going to try to get out of the way and let the winning fans cheer the winners. And so, as baseball fades into the backdrop, as the NHL and NBA begin, and as the NFL heats up, let's just take a moment to say it one last time: Congratulations, Red Sox fans, and get fucking bent.