Roundup - Friday, January 3, 2014

Chris Kluwe. Kluwe. Chris Kluwe. Chris "Chris Kluwe" Kluwe. CK: The Chris Kluwe Collection, by Chris Kluwe. Khris Cluwe. CKhlruiwse. Chris (Chris) Kluwe (Kluwe)!

Ahem. I think that should fulfill our contractual obligations.

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Kudos to Milo Minderbender for a follow up that outclasses the original joke in the 49ers-Packers thread. And, hey, a shot at DougExeter and Raysism, too? Worth the price of admission.

In that same thread, Certified Comment Artisan David Hume (this is a thing now, I made it up and he's the first one) yanks a beautiful penis out of his shorts with a pitch-perfect gasser. "...weiner poking out of his chinos" is just classic Hume. And wouldn't you know it, this marks our first-ever Comment of the Day to a Certified Comment Artisan. What a momentous occasion. Take a bow, DH.

Face! Cram it, anonymous burner weirdo, courtesy Fidrych or die tryin in the Arizona Coach thread.

And right next door to him is Clinton Portishead with a very funny and inappropriate pun. Hey, why don't we get some more of those around here?

Our good friend RMJ=H was in the mix today as well, my favorite gag being this spit-taker in the Alabama Family thread. I didn't see it coming at all. Very funny.

Maybe I'm wrong here, but out of all the stuff thrown at the wall in the Fifth Third post, this goofy take from bavanlan made me laugh the most. I'm surprised it didn't get more attention. Too obvious? Has someone already made this joke somewhere else that I missed? I'm not sure what to make of it. The Onion style fake news put-on combined with an absurd misunderstanding joke is a good sight better than a gay joke, isn't it? Whatever. Today is the first day I can remember seeing bavanlan, but he/she had at least one other near-miss for the Favorites. Keep it up.

And of course what's a Roundup without a perfectly Deadspinny Deadspin comment section comment? This one, from RigmasTFT, is actually clever, which most of the jokes in this mold don't bother trying to be. Is the jump from shooting —> that kind of shooting all that hard to make? Certainly not. But there's character in the delivery, and that's what you need if you want your inappropriate/sad reference make you look wily instead of pathetic. This one was just wily enough.

Just because if I don't point it out, he'll let me hear about it in the comments, I really enjoyed this cute little bowtie from Raysism in the Blackout thread. (An aside: what fucking jackass gets all het up about someone poking fun at banks, for crying out loud? Or implies that only a filthy liberal would bother with such criticism? Has it been long enough that people are pro-bank now? Good god we have short memories. Banks can suck my ass forever.) And, later, hidden at the end of a thread in the Cal Ripken post is a very funny retort to pedantic idiot BreakerBaker. What a maroon. Note the interesting style change for Raysism. A hint of more to come? Count me in.

Finally, a round of applause for FreemanMcNeil for his tall tale in the NFL Shop thread. That's just super silly and funny.

Total Fucking Duds:

Ok, not too many duds tonight. Not because of a lack of opportunity, but because I want to go read some more Chris Kluwe stuff before it oversaturates the news cycle. *coughs, loudly* Anyway

pkellen2313 has done some good things around here, but this I would not count among them. Look, pkellen2313, don't listen to the people telling you the joke was amazing or the ones telling you it never should have been attempted, either. It's possible to make a funny joke that is tangentially related to tragic events, even this one. There's one up the page in this Roundup, in fact. But this was not really even a game attempt. You can't just point to a referent and be like, "Heh. That should do it." Do a little legwork and craft a punchline. You know how everyone hates the cutaway gags on Family Guy because most of the time it's just a fucking thing from the 80s and you're supposed to look at it and remember it and laugh at remembering it? Better yet, ever go on Buzzfeed? This is a Buzzfeedy comment.

The classic "person looks like person" non-joke, mixed with a soupçon of homophobia. Gee. Thanks a lot, Shipwreck's Parrot.

Joseph Finn.

Alright folks, have a good weekend. And just remember, always Chris Kluwe your C.H.R.I.S.K.L.U.W.E! Good night!