UPDATE: It's over. Thank god it's over.

Ok, rules are the same as usual I think. Just athletes and band/artist names (no song titles).

I make no promises as to how fun this will be. It is very, very random. Answering in the comments (one thread per question, please) below is preferable to twitter. If you don't like any of this you can just go straight to hell, you jerk.

Here we go:

  1. This quirky pitcher would rather spend his offseason strumming his guitar while on safari looking for a girl who went away a year ago. (Barry ZiToto -Milo Minderbinder)
  2. This South American striker will be loved even if he moves like someone who needs to grow a spine. (NeyMaroon 5 - Curtis Wenis)
  3. Don't speak of this 7-time MLB All-Star who is currently enjoying a more simple life in his native kingdom of the Dominican Republic. (Alfonso SoriaNo Doubt - Jook Nook)
  4. This switch-hitting, oft-injured Golden Glove winner may do a lot of charity work but he better wake up to the fact that many hate the empire for which he plays. (Mark TeixeiRage Against the Machine - Curtis Wenis)
  5. Everyone's hot for this towering tennis player with a career grand slam, as evidenced by the all the companies that jump at the chance for endorsement opportunities. (Maria SharapoVan Halen - OldBeigeGuy)
  6. This once-dominant pitcher used to be the cream of the crop but now appears to be at a crossroads in his career. At least he isn't striking out with the ladies. Grrrr. (Justin VerlandEric Clapton - Milo Minderbinder)
  7. This struggling pitcher may be leaving fans brokenhearted but he'll still say konnichiwa to everyone he's ever met. (Daisuke Matsuzakarmin - rubdirtinittakealap)
  8. This small forward may be known for his infectious personality and tendency to spread the wealth like it was a disease, but he'd probably sooner win a title. (Kevin DurAnthrax - Milo Minderbinder)
  9. There's no place to hide from this heavyweight champion, a freak who may be as famous for knocking someone up as he is for knocking someone out. (Wladimir KlitschKorn - Curtis Wenis)
  10. Everyone lives to hate this supposed NFL choke-artist, though the man has a charming QB rating and enough passing yards to suggest that he's no beauty queen. (Tony RoMorrissey - Curtis Wenis)
  11. For some unknown reason, teams just can't stop themselves from falling in love with this journeyman QB, who has been known to raid the liquor cabinet for a good merlot or cabernet. (Matt SchaUB40 - Curtis Wenis)
  12. Everyone feels the love for this syrupy sweet NHL winger who is still standing after an early setback caused him to drop the ball.(Phil KessElton John - OldBeigeGuy)