Welcome back to The Beer Idiot, where the only thing dumber than the person drinking the beer is the amount of beer he drinks. Mirroring my own reentry into Suds Country, the first bubbly beverage in our series is a titan of the industry: Miller Lite.
(Pictured: Try not to be intimidated)
So, the vortex bottle was dumb and bad. But you know what wasn't? Inventing light beer! That's basically what Miller did in the 1970s, and now that I'm writing this I'm realizing that fact is probably in one of their ads. Another interesting fact: Miller Lite has great taste, but it's also less filling! Oh dammit, let's just move on.
Miller Lite does have the moderately impressive distinction of being the least calorically burdensome formulation of the Big Three, which counts for more in this particular segment than it might if we were discussing the relative merits of Trappiste vintages. It's a handful of calories short of Coors Light and Bud Light, and maybe this is not strictly above-board accounting, but I round everything under triple digits to 0. I'm actually losing weight by walking to the fridge and cracking a cold one! My dedication to fitness is finally paying off.
But the thing about beer is that in order to digest it, use it as fuel, and expel it in such a way as to trace dirty words in the snow, you must consume it. The best way to consume liquid, in my opinion anyway, is to drink it. So when Miller Lite is roiling around in your chughole, before it wanders down the old gullet, how's it taste?