Another typical, light-your-clothes-on-fire-while-you're-still-wearing-them-and-hope-that-the-wounds-make-you-more-attractive-to-the-opposite-or-same-sex-depending-on-your-sexual-preference-because-who-am-I-to-judge?-no-one-that's-who!-Monday. I'm beginning to think that Mondays are rarely worthy of rounding up. We all suck, guys. We all fucking suck. Let's get to the average stuff.
Favorites and Duds from Today's Commenting
Favorites, in no particular order:
We had a solid NCAA-amateurism zinger by fusilliGaryBettman this morning in the RGIII story. It's not Gary's greatest joke, but any port in shitty comment storm, I guess? Two stars.
This is dad-joke wordplay by everyone's favorite purveyor of dad jokes, Curtis Wenis, and it was worth a small chuckle and one star.
There were a few very nice Keyshawn Johnson photoshops, but this effort by Fartsmello Anthony really stuck out to me. Notice the detail of changing Keyshawn's title in the chyron to "9/11 Investigator." That's nice hustle. Two stars.
BloodGames came up with a premise, thought about, wrote it out, probably tweaked it 15 times, and hit PUBLISH. This is a very basic "people from Alabama can't read" joke, but unlike a couple of similar jokes in the comments here, BloodGames framed it in a unique way. This is your Comment of the Day. Two stars.
Total Fucking Duds
This isn't a joke, Wingz4eva. It's a fucking GIF. A dead person can post a GIF. This is stupid, lazy, boring commenting. Would you read a news story about LaGarrette Blount and write a comment that said "Remember when he punched that guy?" Actually, fuck it, doing that is funnier than this. Saying "this thing reminds me of that other thing," is not a joke. It's not a good comment. You've added nothing. If you're one of the people who wrote some variation of "GREAT JOB, BRO," please never comment again.
Again, a GIF isn't a fucking joke. South park is funny. You're not funny, montyburnser. This shit is dumb.
Are sports blogs the new sports-talk radio? Because when I see stupid, homer, pieces of shit like these chunks of "well, but actually" by demarquer, I want to shove a letter opener into my ear and deafen myself so I never have to hear your dumbasshole opinions again. Better (worse?) was Baseball's scorching hot take on Alan Trammel on Regressing. This isn't the fucking Jim Rome show, Baseball. You are not a clone. I do not speak with 8 second gaps between each of my sentences. Thanks for trying to introduce a new, really, really fucking stupid "joke" into the lexicon, though. You and the human piece of shit who made up "wambulance" should probably be best friends.
That's it. If I missed anything, or if something funny happens after 5 PM EST (the S stands for SUCK IT, STOUTPAMLETPHET), please share below.