The Killers Christmas Songs, Ranked


The Killers are an American band. I haven't checked their touring schedule, and I don't know where each of you lives, so I can't say if they are coming to your town or not. But rest assured that they will certainly help you party down if such an occasion should arise.

While you wait, let's take a look at their fine catalog of Christmas songs. The Killers are kinda rare among bands in that they've been putting out a Christmas single every year for a while now, even when they're not on tour or recording an album or taking a break because they can't stand to be in the same room for one more damn minute. Also, proceeds of their singles go to charity. It's a nice holiday-y thing to do.

I should note that I really like all of these songs. In parsing out a list, though, you've got to get nit-picky over the differences. Also, I haven't linked any of the official videos as they're all Vevo and won't play here. But the real videos are all pretty good and worth watching, so go do that sometime.

8. I Feel It In My Bones (2012)

The second of two songs wherein Santa is less jolly old man and more back-alley strangler, this song feels unnecessarily dark. Sure, the Santa from Don't Kill Me Santa is, you know, about to kill, but at least he feels bad about it. The Santa from this song seems more like a deranged psycho who will gladly murder you for no apparent reason. He's probably great at killing hobos. Maybe he'll write a story about it someday.

7. Boots (2010)

It kind of breaks my heart to rank this song so low, because the intro is some extended dialogue from It's A Wonderful Life. Specifically, almost the darkest moment in the film, where George is in Martini's bar, asking for help, and instead gets socked in the mouth for his troubles. The sentiment of the song is very much in keeping with the Christmas spirit, but it's just a little too Hallmark-sentimental for me.

6. The Cowboy's Christmas Ball (2011)

Well look at that, the 2010-2012 singles are all at the bottom of the pile. Huh.

Obviously this one is a pretty big departure from their normal sound. They've dabbled with some country sounds before, and took this occasion to really make a go of it, which I really appreciate. Purposely, the jargon they use is a little difficult to discern. The unaccompanied chorus at the end is great. It's a peppy little number that just misses the mark.

5. Don't Shoot Me Santa (2007)

This is the first of their Christmas songs I heard, and I remember being pretty floored. I mean, most of the time Santa isn't on a mission to put a bullet in your head. And as noted above, it's not like he wants to do it; he's duty bound to do it. It ain't easy being Santa, for more than one reason (Diabetes. Diabetes is the other reason).

4. Christmas In L.A. (2013)

This is their newest offering, which I just downloaded. I've only listened to it a handful of times, but melodically, I really like it. Songs bitching about assholes who live in L.A. are nothing new (and, honestly, are kind of annoying) but the melody and harmony make up for it. I dunno, I may be ranking this too high. Ask me again year.

3. A Great Big Sled (2006)

What I like about this one is that it takes the sentiment of the season but, unlike Boots, celebrates it by having one giant fucking party. The song doesn't make you want to sit around the fire and carol, but head outside, act like a kid, and remember how fucking awesome Christmas was when you were little - no school, sledding with your buddies for hours, playing with the load of new stuff you just got. This is also great for a seasonal running mix.

2. Joseph, Better You Than Me (2008)

Everyone makes a big deal about Mary and Jesus and the Three Wise Men during the holidays [wanking motion], but what about Joseph? His job is to chauffeur Mary around, find her a room, and basically act like the 0 A.D. version of Travelocity, all the while knowing that the kid is not his son. This song looks squarely at Joseph and asks "Hey buddy - you didn't get one bit of input about this whole son-of-god thing - how do you feel about it?" I really enjoy the philosophy here.

Plus, they haul the guy from Pet Shop Boys in just to nail two lines, and Elton John absolutely kills it.

1. ¡Happy Birthday Guadalupe! (2009)

Other than That Song Which Shall Not Be Named, mariachi-based Christmas songs are few and far between (at least here in 'Merica). I honestly am not sure why I love this song so much. Is it because Luke Perry is in the official video? Maybe.

The Killers have made mention of Springsteen's influence on them before, and it shows up with the line We are living in a difficult time/ We been walking down a difficult line. It reminds me of Hey what else can we do now/ except roll down the window and let the wind blow back your hair from Thunder Road. Like a Springsteen song, this one is tinged by sadness, but is ultimately uplifting, and unfailingly puts me in a great mood. Plus, LUKE PERRY'S SIDEBURNS.