So I'll just put it out there - I did not date in high school. And when I say that I don't mean I only went on a few dates but they went nowhere. I mean in four years I did not once have one single date. The reasons for that are too numerous to list here, but I can say that my first and best opportunity to date was blown in a pants-shittingly spectacular bit of social cluelessness by yours truly.

So I was a bit of a chorus geek in school. And one of my favorite classes freshman year was choir. In this class I got sort of friendly with a sophomore who happened to also be a cheerleader. Not your prototypical smokin' hot blonde pom-pom type, but a cheerleader nonetheless.

We would make small talk before class and while we were waiting to file out, and made pretty regular eye contact during class. Tame stuff by any standards, but pretty significant progress for me.

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There was some sort of dance or social event scheduled for Friday night pretty early in the school year. I, being the antisocial turd I am, had no plans to show up. But out of the blue, during a conversation with this girl, she asks me if I was going to go to the dance. Mind you, she didn't ask if I wanted to go with her, just if I was going.

My dumbass brain, therefore, failed to read what was a pretty obvious signal of interest on her part and decided to just answer the question.

"Nah, I'm not going."

While we still were friendly the rest of that year, that was the last time she even hinted at the possibility of going out with me.

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So yup, I'm a total dumbass. It's no funeral story, but it's the best I got for now.