Once when I was a kid I was hanging around with my older brother, who had a very large bag of candy that he wasn't sharing. Naturally I kept begging and begging for some candy. Finally he said, in a sing-song voice, open your mouth and close your eyes, and you will get a big surprise (insert sex joke here).

So of course I opened my mouth and closed my eyes, and waited for some glorious candy. Instead my brother took a live, fluttering moth he had found and put that inside my mouth.

While my brother is not a liar, he is an asshole. Happy Friday.