Roundup - Wednesday, December 18, 2013

It's almost the holidays! Or it already is? Some of the obscure ones, maybe. Let's celebrate with a little comment roundup!

Favorites and duds from today's commenting.

Favorites, in no particular order:

Here's a cute little how-dee-do from Same Sad Echo in the Braves Tea Party post. I'm not saying I'd repeat it at a wedding toast or open mic night or anything, it's just fucking cute, I don't know. Later on, Echo dropped another one I probably wouldn't repeat, if for different reasons, in the Chael Sonnen post. That one stings. And later still, he draws and quarters Jason Whitlock in brutal fashion. The trifecta! Boy howdy, that's good work.

I have to echo the sentiment from the dumbass burners in the replies to this funny pseudo-rant from BlairWalshProject in the Lillard/Irving post. I haven't had any issues with League Pass either, but I kept that little chestnut to my fucking self, because I am not a toothless idiot, and I laughed at the joke from BWP for the same reason.

There was evidently something about the Idiotic Dad post, because it inspired a handful of humdingers. This eyes-closed cringer from Cobra, brah! was probably the best one, and that's why it's my Comment of the Day. Cobra has a reputation for toeing the line of good joke-making a bit more than you'd like, but he's been on a good roll of late. Keep it up.

To the right, Sonar Jose makes a nice play in his own right, and apparently dismissed the moron who out-rec'ed him for explaining the joke. I like to let those clowns fly up the flag pole a bit, but I get cutting him loose. Either way, funny joke.

Still further down is fan-favorite Bevraj of Choice with another really awful and awfully hilarious jab that might get a small amount of its punch from the word "crankcase". Don't hear that one often enough, in my line of work (pre-scratching lotto tickets while never staying in the same town too long). I liked it. You know, if Shitehawk were here, he'd explain the reason all three of these jokes work, and expand on the common thread that makes them resemble each other even though they're drastically different premises. They're definitely recontextualizations, even though this space has used that word to mean something different over the years. What to call them, then? How are they working their magic on us? [wipes booger on Shitehawk's $900 Herman Miller] Oh well.

Nice and easy swing here from darinh in the Chael Sonnen thread. I feel like I remember at one time people wondering why darinh doesn't punctuate and capitalize like most everyone else. Maybe that's not a thing anymore, and for good reason. That's his style, and I like it.

Also really liked The Amazing Sneijderman's scroll-back-up-to-look-at-the-picture gag in the Tall Guy/Short Guy post. Just dumb. Dumb and good.

Of course, this headbutt from Clinton Portishead and NeverOddOrEven requires a mention because it is the absolute Deadspinniest joke that could have been pulled out of that post, and they both hit the nail on the head. As evidenced by the fact that the "high waist" sound was bouncing around the comments a bit, you could make the case that it's a tad too safe — not that it's bad, mind you, just that it was out there for the taking.

If you still thought, after that meek criticism of a pair of fabulously received jokes, that I wasn't a total idiot, I actually thought this goofy non-sequitur from Wendel Clark Bar from the same post was much funnier. I was grinning like a zoo ape when I read that. Good stuff.

Total Fucking Duds

I could very easily provide a link to the specific discussions I hated in Magary's Duck Dynasty piece, but why bother when they're the top two threads on the page? "Big Daddy Drew" posts have never been good comment fodder and hey, when the entire Gawker network is only loading correctly about half the time during the new Kinja testing, who's to say what is going on with the commenting algorithm? Anyway, the threads, which touch on the surprising watchability (!) of reality television and feature the smugly circular logic of Biblical literalists, are truly painful, and I didn't even read all of them. But would it surprise you to learn that perpetual bottom feeders Joseph Finn, BrownieTheElf and Smoak on the Water were prominently involved? Well by golly, you had better sit down!

I didn't get this bit of inside baseball from Jay Sanin in the Tall Guy/Short guy post, and I think I'm probably not the only one. This will be the 3rd of 3 Roundups in which I mention inside baseball, and the first where I don't care too much for it. The previous two were about Raysism's punt joke fetish and, oddly enough, Raysism again for a nod to his insane COTY-level joke about licking a middle schooler's asshole. The different between those and this isn't just that Raysism is more or less (in)famous for his comments, but even then, I'd have to think a joke on a post about a marathoner who shits his pants that says, "Hey, that's Raysism!" would not be all that well-received. Not a great premise there.

Yeah, we get it, gullyb. You can use sports terminology to make a few double entendres. Oh, and Jason Collins is gay. Riveting fucking stuff. Shut up.

This guy's in high school, Tim. Let him wander in the grey. Or, better yet, ban him. There's almost nothing I can think of that the site needs any less than "Deadspin doesn't like my team and picks on my team and why don't you write about THIS thing you write about all the time but I didn't read it because I just clicked on a link on Facebook because my favorite team was in the headline."

Nevermind, found it. Look, I know it's a different world out there now and, truth be told, I think it's pretty funny to read some of the braindead shit these drive-by commenters are willing to leave behind because it's just so wonky. But I can find no joy in bigotry. Remove this junk.