Do you like to work out? Exercise? Engage in strenuous physical activity for the purposes of health?

Advertisement

Well guess what, asshat: you’re doing it wrong.

Running? Wrong. Biking? Wrong. Pilates? Wrong. Free weights? Wrong. No weights? Wrong. Yoga? Wrong. Crossfit? Soul Cycle? Zumba? Hmm. Is that the correct way to work out? Lemme think about it:

There is only one correct way to work out. Concentrate your anger into mental laser energy and yell at your collection of skin and bones to be in better shape.

That’s it. It’s that simple. Not surprised you couldn’t figure it out on your own. If you do it any other way you are, in addition to being wrong, a pathetic waste of egg and semen and cells, and you disgust me and yourself.

Advertisement

Also, unions?