Freeman McNeil: Good morning, and thanks for sitting down with me today. What do you prefer to be called? Hamilton? Ham? Hambone?
Hamilton Nolan: Whatever. I was told there would be artisan doughnuts here.
FMcN: Sorry to disappoint, Ham-Dog. Is it difficult to chase Pokemon when you have to constantly work for The Man at Univision?
HN: I can chase Pokemon any damn place and any damn time I see fit Mr. McNeil.
FMcN: So I gotta say Ham-Wallet, people were disappointed when Gawker shut down, but have you heard all the noise people are making about Gawrker?
HN: I don’t understand what you’re saying.
FMcN: What’s it like having to lower yourself to write with the peons over at Deadspin, Sheriff of Notting-Ham? Do you even like sports?
HN: What are sports?
FMcN: Exactly. So New Hamsterdam, what did you think of the Yankees basically pushing A-Rod out the door?
HN: Why would pushing a rod have anything to do with sports?
FMcN: Do you like the new commenters that are now exposed to your writing over at Deadspin, Hammy Davis Jr?
HN: I want to hurt you.
HN: Is there any other way?
FMcN: I’m asking the questions here, Ham-Wow.
HN: This interview is over.
FMcN: It is?
HN: Is it?
FMcN: This interview is over!
HN: Thanks for having me over today.
FMcN: No problem, Hamalama Ding Dong.
*not an actual interview