A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
Illustration for article titled Deadspin Scavenger Hunt

An interactive game (of sorts) from your pal, Sgt. Hammerclaw.

Welcome Deadspin commenters and lurkers,

As I look out into the crowd here today, I see a lot of new faces. Since a lot of you probably don't know who I am, please allow me to quickly introduce myself. I'm a guy who used to hang around Deadspin quite a bit and would occasionally do a thing in old Kinja before one of those things hit a little too close to home for one of the Deadspin editors who saw to it that any record of those things that I used to do were mangled to the point where nobody would be able to put them back into their original form and they would never see the light of day again. Got it? Good.

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Now that we've got that out of the way, let's move on to why I'm here. I've prepared something for you that incorporates three of your favorite things: Deadspin comments, puzzles and prizes. This could end up playing out in a variety of ways: a trip down memory lane, a unique way to learn about Deadspin commenting history, a fun little puzzle to kill some time, or that one Sidespin post that got buried under a flurry of reposted comments that you never actually bothered to click on. Regardless, let's have a little fun out there, shall we?

The premise of this exercise is simple: if you choose to participate, you will be going on a scavenger hunt in the depths of the Gawker Media servers.

Below you will find 18 clues. If you correctly decipher these clues, they will lead you to a particular Deadspin post, or maybe even a particular comment. The clues will almost all come in the form of replies, so if you're having a hard time, be sure to check those out. The more you know about Deadspin commenting, the easier this will be.

I have created a series of 18 burner accounts with various handles. Once you get to the right place, they should be pretty easy to identify because they all say something to the effect of "Congratulations! You've found a clue!" The burner handles will all be written in lowercase, with the exception of a single capitalized letter in each of them. Once you've found all of the handles, you will have the opportunity unscramble the capitalized letters to reveal the secret phrase. Here's a hint - it's Deadspin related.

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This isn't "Wheel of Fortune," so in order to win you must provide the link to the burner's post, in addition to your secret phrase guess. The goal of this is to get you guys to (re)visit the posts while playing the game. No shortcuts. If any of these clues end up being too hard for all of you, (they shouldn't - that's not my intention with this) I will give you more tips to help you out. To avoid spoiling it for other people, I will put up a separate post for you to guess/give your answers. I won't be able to monitor this the entire time that it plays out, but I will check in periodically to see how you cats are doing.

Leave any questions you may have below. (Just to get this out of the way, I'd guess about 35-40 yards, Ray, but it's been awhile.)

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Now for the clues:

1. Though the post didn't have much to do with it, being Snarky went a long way when Target Field became the topic of conversation.

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2. Black widows are no laughing matter. For most people, that is.

3. I've always been curious about the backstory regarding the picture on this post. I bet the young lady had agreed to do what she did if the price was right.

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4. I really admire people who suffer from horrible birth defects, yet maintain such cheerful attitudes.

5. After you win the Cy Young Award, there's no better way to celebrate than an evening stroll down the beach with the Mrs.

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6. You might just be hearing commercials between innings, but after reading just one of the stories from the Mets' broadcasting booth, I can promise you that it's for the best.

7. Sometimes it's good to have the lead. Other times, you'll find yourself wishing that you'd been given a warning of what that would entail.

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8. When you're driving around Miami, it's good to bring a map. Especially if you have a baseball team to manage.

9. Sweden is very forward-thinking when it comes to their sexuality. This thread showed us what animalistic instincts are really all about, and how we could build upon them.

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10. There are a lot of treasures that can be found in pyramids. Just make sure you don't let the Bangladesh sports-apparel manufacturers build it for you if you want it done right.

11. Call this one a gimmie:

Illustration for article titled Deadspin Scavenger Hunt
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12. Building a pyramid over Memorial Day weekend is a great way to learn how not to comment around here.

13. Bird mascots are a dime a dozen, right? Fuck no they're not! Not birds like these anyway!

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14. Sometimes in basketball, a player can come out of nowhere and everyone gets caught up in the hype. Even Sports Illustrated gets in on the act. It really is insanity, or should I say...

15. This one used to make a lot more sense. Also, it is my biggest "shameless self promotion" entry of the group. Those things I used to do here that I alluded to earlier - this was the first.

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16. Steve McNair's death is no laughing matter. It made everybody feel a little blue, including the mountains.

17. Many have made it into the Deadspin Hall of Fame. Few have received such overwhelming support at the voting deadline, but only one (I think) has received its own Deadspin Oral History.

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18. A ballplayer once had a dumb thing written about him. One of our own topped that. The Deadspin staff then challenged us to top that. That same one of our own truly outdid himself. It was The Rebuttening.

There you have it everyone. Those are the clues. I hope it was enough to get you through it. Like I said, my goal was not to make this overwhelmingly difficult. This of it as an interactive Deadspin commenting history lesson. Interactive things are fun.

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By this point, you might be asking yourself, "Why? Why the fuck would I waste my time on this?"

Well here's why, you ungrateful donkeys. In addition to the satisfaction that being the first to solve this would undoubtedly bring you, I've got some sweet prizes for the winner as well. Check this shit out:

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Yeah. That's right. How many of you have an awesome set of unopened Dale Earnhardt playing cards? Probably none of you, if I had to guess. Well guess what? That's probably about to change! The first person to leave the solution in the answer post will be the proud recipient of an awesome set of unopened Dale Earnhardt playing cards!

Not enough? Fine. You idiots drive a hard bargain. In addition to the awesome set of unopened Dale Earnhardt playing cards that will be mailed directly to you, (we can work out those details when the time comes) I'll also be sending the winner a personalized, hand-written letter just like the ones I've been writing for my good friend, Jason Whitlock! (To see an example, click here.)

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Good luck. Have fun. And may the best man win.

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