An occasional feature highlighting the wackiest conversations found in the wild unregulated hinterland of Deadspin's Pending Submissions.
From Samer's Barf post. Meet BermansMovingVan, Troll Extraordinaire:
Looks like someone's gettin' celebration raped tonight! Monday 3:57pm
So, this is something like a joke. It's a rape joke, the tone is meant to offer a funny juxtaposition of the content, the exclamation point yadda yadda ya. You get the idea. It's clumsy and dumb and maybe offensive, but mostly it's a throwaway comment from a burner idiot. Until!
Meet Chiguy, Searcher of Unwelcome Truth and Bringer of Disingenuous Curiosity:
I don't care one way or another about Duke, but didn't they all get cleared of that? I coule be wrong but I thought I remember the team getting cleared. Monday 4:25pm
Yes, because what that comment really invited was a serious discussion. Great! But this is where BermansMovingVan's talent for trolling starts to come into play. Observe:
What you talking about? Monday 4:27pm
This is catnip to brain-dead self-important internet randos. There will always be morons to answer this exact question. Enter Wiscy:
You mention the Duke lacrosse team raping as if it's been proven to happen in the past. Monday 6:13pm
Yes, but did that really happen, Wiscy? Or are you in the process of being savaged by a not-very-subtle-at-all troll? Let's turn it over to BermansMovingVan for answers:
I was just suggesting we celebrate with some good ol' fashioned rape. I don't know what Duke Lacrosse has to do with it. Monday 6:20pm
Okay, perfectly respectable protestations from Lindy West notwithstanding, the outrageousness of this comment hits the mark. It's so, so over-the-top. But, subjective evaluations of funniness aside, it's hard to imagine a sane person falling any further for this particular troll-job. Let's see:
Ah, my apologies. I thought you were implying that the Duke lacrosse team had committed rape in the past, which would have been a terrible accusation to make without any proof. I'm glad we cleared this up. Monday 6:23pm
I like to think this reply is given in the spirit of its predecessor, because the alternative is genuinely terrifying. Unfounded accusations against Duke = terrible. Celebratory rape? Meh.
At any rate, this gambit has probably run its course with this particular
dangerous sociopath participant. Will BermansMovingVan go quietly into the night?
I mean...I wouldn't leave my daughter alone near them, would you? Monday 6:33pm
Oh man. This is re-baiting the hook and casting out into a different section of a well-stocked pond. Have the fish learned? Will they stay away? Can they stay away? Or will curiosity get the better of them?
...because there's a precedent for that? Monday 7:42pm
Translation: [nibble nibble]
Did I say that? Monday 7:48pm
Here ends BermansMovingVan's active participation in this dance, because, from here, it descends as it must into looney burner craziness, and like Davie "Lardass" Hogan he can now sit back and enjoy the carnage he created:
Terrible. Monday 7:52pm
so you would hire Casey Anthony as a babysitter!! Bravo!! Yesterday 1:03am
No, there was more solid proof that Casey Anthony actually did kill her daughter. The Duke case was fabricated. Yesterday 10:53am
[whirrrrr] [clank] [boing] [bonk] [boing-bonk]
wishy washy Yesterday 3:26pm