A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks

The Inaugural FRPSL Draft has now taken place. What do you mean, you missed it? It was broadcast on EPSN. Yes, that EPSN - the third-rate Norwegian weather network named solely to confuse the elderly into subscribing.

Girlwonder had the top pick and chose certainly-dead-but-probably-alive rapper Tupac Shakur as the first-ever FRPSL draftee. Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet held the second pick and took historical feminist Lizzie Borden. Milo Minderbinder selected the greatest human of all time, Derek Jeter, third overall.


With the fourth pick, RMJ=H took Kid Rock, who doesn’t look good on paper. Surprising everyone, pleatherface picked faith healer and Boney M. inspirer Grigori Rasputin at #5. Keeping the Russian theme going, keisertroll chose all-around nice guy Vladimir Putin at sixth overall.

The Amazing Sneijderman took Helen Keller seventh overall, which she [seventeen minute pregnant pause] didn’t see coming. Rounding out the first round was StuartScottsEye with up-and-comer Idi Amin.

Other notable picks include: pleatherface hero-worshipping Jeb Lund in the second round, 12th overall, RMJ=H taking noted deadbeat John Popper at #20, girlwonder taking Three Dog Night frontman Adolf Hitler in the fifth round at pick 33, pleatherface picking his own Dave Grohl player at #37, and historical funnyman and sexual deviant Mark Twain rounding out the draft at #48 by GW.

Here is the full draft:

11GWTupac Shakur
12CGSLizzie Borden
13MMDerek Jeter
14RMJKid Rock
15PFGrigori Rasputin
16KEIVladimir Putin
17TASHelen Keller
18SSEIdi Amin
29SSENapoleon Bonaparte
210TASSun Tzu
211KEIClint Eastwood
212PFJeb Lund
213RMJJustin Bieber
214MMMark Sanchez
215CGSCharles Darwin
216GWImelda Marcos
317GWMohandas Gandhi
318CGSHenry Kissinger
319MMLeBron James
320RMJJohn Popper
321PFLennay Kekua
322KEIEdward Scissorhands
323TASGenghis Khan
324SSEGeorge W. Bush
425SSEJulius Caesar
426TASCharles Barkley
427KEIRichard Nixon
428PFAlex Rodriguez
429RMJSerena Williams
430MMJim Abbott
431CGSJack Nicholson
432GWRingo Starr
533GWAdolf Hitler
534CGSJudas Iscariot
535MMTaylor Swift
536RMJDavid Hasselhoff
537PFDave Grohl
538KEIKool-Aid Man
539TASEmily Dickinson
540SSEBill Clinton
641SSERoger Goodell
642TASO.J. Simpson
643KEIMuhammad Ali
644PFTiger Woods
645RMJRonald Reagan
646MMBabe Ruth
647CGSL. Ron Hubbard
648GWMark Twain

There will be a one-game preseason next week for me to work out any issues with the league, and Week 1 games will go ahead on August 10. More league info to come shortly.r

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