A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
Illustration for article titled Greetings Other Than Hello

We’ve all had that awful experience of greeting coworkers and colleagues in the hallway. I hate small talk. I, for the most part, genuinely dislike the majority of people in the world. However common courtesy dictates that we must at least acknowledge people as we pass them. So other than “hello,” “good morning,” or “good afternoon,” what do you say?

You could greet them with these overused terms:

  • “How’s it going?”
  • “What’s up?”
  • “How are ya?”
  • “What’s going on?”
  • “S’up?”

Or you could shake things up a bit and greet them with these effective, if underappreciated, terms:

  • “Sweet fuck, you look like hell!”
  • (While flexing and pointing to your arms) “Do you know a good veterinarian, because these puppies are sick!
  • “Ever get a rash on your junk that you can’t get rid of, even with a cheese grater? Asking for a friend.”
  • “Who put the bop in the bop-she-bop-she-bop?”
  • “I like my women like I like my golf scores - in the low 80s with a slight handicap.”

Any way you slice it, just inject any one of these into your hallway greeting routine and you’ll be the toast of the town. Or fired.

Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments. 

Share This Story

Get our newsletter