A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
Illustration for article titled Harambe, The Most Glorious Of Gods Animals, And The Truth

Harambe was a 17 year old Western Lowland gorilla. On May 18, 2016, he was brutally murdered after a young boy deliberately fell into Harambe’s enclosure. No one has been brought to justice for Harambe’s unjustified murder.


Harambe left behind a half-sister named Asha. Asha is gay.

The sexual preference of the half-sister of a murdered ape is really of no importance to the general public whatsoever. But let me say it again: Asha is gay.


To be clear, I don’t mean gay in the 1930s meaning of the word. I mean gay like the gay sex meaning of the word. Does it matter if the non-full-blood relative of a famous dead gorilla is gay? No. of course not. Not sure why you’d even ask that question, to be honest. You’re kind of creeping me out right now.

But still it remains, Asha is gay.

As a gorilla, Asha is incapable of the thought processes that would assign moral judgement about her sexual preference. In fact, it’s a pretty stupid thing to care about in the first place. Have regular sex. Have gay sex. Have fun, and stop judging. Which is what I am doing. I am non-judgmentally telling you all that the half-sister of a primate you would have never heard of if he hand’t been murdered by the forces of evil, is gay.


A magnificent animal is dead, for no reason. His half-sister is gay. To paraphrase William Carlos Williams:

so much depends

a dead

glazed with rain

and his gay


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