A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
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Here Are Some Problems I Have With Full House

Illustration for article titled Here Are Some Problems I Have With Full House

First, let's dispense with the obvious. There is no reason for a grown adult man to be thinking about Full House, so stop looking for one. Trying to reason this out is like puzzling Schrödinger's Cat, except the cat maybe has been replaced with Hot Pockets while no one was looking and now you have to figure out if the cat ate the pepperoni while it was both dead and alive. So just stop trying.


Problem 1

The Tanner residence is located off historic Alamo Square in beautiful San Francisco. Isn't that neat? So iconic. Quick question, though: how can a guy who doesn't seem to have a friggin' job afford a friggin' house at Alamo Square? A quick Internet search notes that houses on that block range from 1.5 to 4+ million dollars. Adjusting backwards for inflation, that's, hold on, multiply by .25, carry the 6, split the remainder... a shit-ton of money.


We all know that the backstory for the Tanners is that the mom died young. Did the police ever take a hard look at Danny Tanner for this? Maybe they couldn't make murder charges stick, but at least they could trump up some bullshit insurance fraud charge. Very disappointed in you, SFPD. Very disappointed.

Problem 2

Again, this relates to the house. During the show, the house they zoom up on - which one would presume to be the Tanner residence - is flat-roofed (unlike the houses shown above). Yet in later episodes, when Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky and their twins* need somewhere to stay, the girls get bumped up TO THE ATTIC, which is clearly shown with sloped sidewalls. No wonder this show did so poorly in the 18-35 year old male architect demographic.


[*Note: in a pretty hilarious dig, as the Olsen twins got older (and therefore less precocious) the show did the classic "new baby replacement" storyline. Only this time they actually had the babies be twins on the show. Suck on THAT, Olsens. Poor wittle girls, replaced at such a tender age with nothing to show for it other than fame, privilege, and a multi-million dollar empir... um, good for you.]

Problem 3

I can totally tell when Mary Kate vs. Ashley Olsen is on-screen playing Michelle. Really disrupts the continuity.



These have been some of the problems I have with the television show Full House.

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