A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
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Here Are Some Problems I Have With The Season 2 Finale of Homeland

Illustration for article titled Here Are Some Problems I Have With The Season 2 Finale of Homeland

First, let's dispense with the obvious. There are loads of reasons for grown adult man to be thinking about Homeland. But trying to reason out the exact reason is like puzzling why some people are in favor of the Affordable Care Act but against Obamacare. I guess the answer is "because people are idiots," but let's push things forward.



Before we get to the problems, I'd like to say that I actually really love Homeland, and have enjoyed the hell out of the first two seasons. I just finished Season 2 and have not watched the Season 3 opener yet, so anyone who posts spoilers in the comments will be furloughed with a bat to the side of the head. The acting is great, the storyline is great (with only an occasional groaning plot twist or implausibility), and goddamn Mandy Patinkin looks fucking boss with that beard.


Problem 1

Since I myself don't want to spoil anything for those who have not finished Season 2, I'm going to word this very vaguely. Suffice it to say that there is a need for certain character(s) to drive from Langley/Washington DC to Canada after attending a function at the CIA.


Now, from other clues in the episode, we know the function does not start until after 2 in the afternoon. The character(s) presumably hit the road by 3 p.m. at the earliest. Assuming they take the straightest way, my good friends at Google Maps estimate that it takes at least 8.5 hours to get to the border (via I-87), not accounting for perpetually shitty traffic in DC, Baltimore, New Jersey in general, and in the NYC area. No time has been added for gas/bathroom/Funyun breaks either. That's got to pad the travel time by at least an extra hour and a half.

In addition, the characters need to make two crucial pit stops along the way, one at a self-storage unit, and one at your friendly neighborhood document forger. While the Northway has some pretty sweet restaurants, there's no reason to think these places are that conveniently located. Tack on an extra hour and a half there, too.


So our travel time is now up to 11.5 hours, and our pals left at 3. That puts them at the America Jr. border at around 2:30 a.m. Big fucking deal, you say, where is this going anyway? Well I'll tell you where it's going, smart guy, it's going straight to Shut Your Friggin' Yapville if you don't get yourself an attitude adjustment, pronto.

Ahem. So why does any of this make a damn bit of difference? It doesn't, except...except that one of the characters is shown returning to Washington DC the very next morning. Without the extra stops, the return trip might only take nine hours, but that still puts the person back in DC at 11:30 a.m. at the absolute earliest. However, said character arrives back in town (judging by the light) shortly after daybreak. HEY HOMELAND, YOU CAN'T PULL THIS KIND OF CONTINUITY BULLSHIT, NOT ON MY WATCH.


Problem 2

I'm realizing that I may not be the most fun person to watch tv with.

Problem 3

There is no problem 3. Homeland is a kick-ass show.


These have been some of the problems I have with the Season 2 finale of the television show Homeland.

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