A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks

HistorySpin!: Some Stories About Presidents or Some Shit

Yeah, of course my weekly HistorySpin is ready! It's, um, it's... right here. It's about... presidents. Presidents who did crazy stuff!

For crazy president stories, you sure can't beat LBJ. For one thing, Lyndon Baines Johnson sure loved to show off Lyndon Baines's Johnson. He pulled his dick out all the time, especially in front of visiting foreign dignitaries. In addition, he loved showing off a scar he had gotten from gall bladder surgery. He also famously conducted "meetings" while on the can with the door open, just to show whoever he was conversing with how busy he was, presumably with shitting. In other words, LBJ was a man who was very, very comfortable with his body. He was also as big a womanizer as JFK.

Johnson also owned an Amphicar, or a car that could go underwater. He loved to play a prank where he'd yell that his brakes were out as the car hurtled towards a lake, and inevitably laugh and laugh when people freaked out as the Amphicar hit the water. Finally, LBJ was even amusing when he was ordering pants.


Uh, let's see, what else. JFK! Now, we all know the good stuff about JFK, so here's a lesser-known fact: JFK is often credited with the death of the American hat industry. [I fancy myself something of a hat historian.] This is, obviously, an oversimplification of matters, but JFK hated wearing hats, to the point where the union of hatmakers had to spend countless hours lobbying JFK to wear the traditional fancy top hat during his inauguration.

It looks pretty silly, too, so future Presidents should be glad the tradition died off shortly thereafter. But JFK's hatred of hats drove hatmakers batty. Young American men who wanted to be as handsome and dashing as JFK began going bareheaded, and now you can't wear a fedora without looking like and being some huge dork.


Finally, let's talk about somebody else, who... um... Andrew Jackson was pretty cool? One time, a crazy guy tried to assassinate him, but both guns misfired. Jackson started beating him with his cane, to the point that Andrew Jackson had to be restrained from killing his would-be assassin. This is a fairly well-known story, I admit, but it delighted me to no end in high school.

In closing, I did not realize my HistorySpin was due today and was supposed to be about the 1863 Polish revolution against Russia.


BlairWalshProject is a well-known and respected hat historian, and, according to Wikipedia, a producer of a famous Indian reality show. You can ignore his tweets at @IBHirsch.

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