A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks

Horrible Things I Watch With My Wife: Royal Pains

My wife and I both work (yes, I work). We have two small children. My television tastes are bimodal: sports or animals eating each other. My wife has more varied tastes and I like watching shows with her, given what little time the two of have together not yelling at our children. Some of the shows I hate. Some of them I genuinely enjoy. These are their stories. Today's show: Royal Pains.

The main character of this show is Hank Lawson. Hank Lawson was an ER doctor in a big New York city hospital and basically lets one of the hospital benefactors die because he's treating someone less fortunate. He's fired. His fiancee leaves him. He escapes NYC to start a concierge medicine business in the Hamptons with his brother.


During each episode, there is a GODDAMN MEDICAL FUCKING EMERGENCY AND OH GOD JIMMY'S GOING TO DIE THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR AN AMBULANCE. This is where Hank Lawson turns in MacGyver and performs a trachael intubatation with some PVC pipe, an old soda can, and six plastic spoons.

The coincidence of Hank Lawson always being in the middle of a medical emergency aside, this type of medical drama makes me want to stab my eyes out (then go to the ER for treatment). Hank Lawson always saves the patient. Hank Lawson always does the right thing. The whole show deifies doctors, who in my experience may or may not always have your health as their primary objective. It makes me wonder if it's shows like this that are one reason we pay so dearly for healthcare.

There are also other plot lines running in the show, but they are insipid and not worth the extra works.


Hank Lawson's brother represents the business side of their venture. He is a douche. He wears clothing that even Charles Oakley thinks is garish. He wears them because he has no actual distinguishing features as a character or actor, which is why his name is not mentioned here.


The only bright spot is Hank Lawson's nurse practitioner, Divya Katdare. She is played by Reshma Shetty. I don't know anything about television acting, but I find her credible and, at times, humorous. She's also quite striking. I tried my best to phrase that so as to not appear that I'm just leering. Other words I considered: attractive, beautiful, shimmering, hot, sexy, spank bank material, cum-worthy.... Ooookay, I think we've had enough of that.

Verdict: Holy shit. This show is a train wreck. I usually fall asleep during it. That's the best way to watch it.

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