A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks

How Not To Schedule A Conference Call

Illustration for article titled How Not To Schedule A Conference Call

SCENE: Office of the world's coolest, sexiest, most bad-ass motherfuckin' engineer you ever did see. An email pops up.


Very Important Client: We need a conference call. When are you available?

Engineer: Anytime between 9 and 2:30.

Architect: That works for me too.

Project Manager: I can make it.

Client: So how about 4:00?

Engineer: I'm, um, not available.

Architect: Maybe.

Project Manager: Nope.

Client: So 4 is out?

Silence: [overwhelms]

Client: Ok, how about tomorrow at 8:30?

Engineer: Works for me.

Architect: Me too. Here's the call in number.

Project Manager: Talk to you then.

8:30: [rolls around]

Engineer: [dials]

Robot voice: You are the... FIRST... caller.

Musak: [plays amazing Kenny G cover]

Engineer: [waits five minutes]

Engineer: [hangs up]

9:45: [comes into being]

Client: [calls Engineer]

Client: Where are you? We're all waiting!

Engineer: I called at 8:30. No one was there.

Client: Oh, I changed it to 9:30. Guess I didn't tell you. Call in now.

Client: I can't believe you're late to this. Everyone is really pissed at you. We've all got things to do, you know.


Engineer: [closes eyes]

Engineer: [clenches fists]

Engineer: [becomes black hole]

Engineer: [swallows eternity]

Engineer: [open eyes]

Engineer: [is not actually black hole]

Eternity: [is intact]

Engineer: [sighs]

Engineer: [dials in]


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