A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks

How To Fuck With People Who Weren't Smart Enough To Go To Law School

Illustration for article titled How To Fuck With People Who Werent Smart Enough To Go To Law School

SCENE: Office of the world's fastest, smartest, most motherfuckin' funniest attorney you ever did see. Creates a new email.


Me: We need a conference call. When are you dumbfucks available?

Engineer: Anytime between 9 and 2:30.

Architect: That works for me too.

Project Manager: I can make it.

Me: [clicks “Post” on new Sidespin article; senses silence] Huh? Oh, um... so it sounds like 4:00 works?


Engineer: I'm, um, not available.

Architect: Maybe.

Project Manager: Nope.

Me: So 4 is out? Do you guys like having a job?

Silence: [overwhelms]

Me: [sighs] Ok, how about tomorrow at 8:30?

Engineer: Works for me.

Architect: Me too. Here's the call in number.

Project Manager: Talk to you then.

Me: [resumes commenting for remainder of afternoon]

8:30: [finishes 9 mile run]

9:45: [comes into being]

Me: [calls Engineer]

Me: Where are you, you glorified Lego builder? We're all waiting!

Engineer: Durrr, I called at 8:30, boss. No one was there.

Me: Oh, um, I changed it to 9:30. I had some very important stuff come up. Guess you’re not important enough for me to tell these sorts of things.


Me: Anyway, I can't believe you're late to this. Everyone is really pissed at you. We've all got things to do, you know.

Engineer: [dials in]

Me: [puts phone back into garbage can; starts writing new Sidespin article]

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