Hey Tim Kaine aka the Virginia Altar Boy listen up! You want to make some sweet coin for your campaign with the #YassQueen? Are you willing to have my wrath brought down upon you? Meet me in my backyard for a classically epic rumble. My wife will make us lemonade (her secret ingredient is cucumber which makes it real crisp and fresh, my political bitch) then we will wrestle ‘till submission or we are both exausted,depending what comes first.
I know all your weaknesses and about your spotty record on liberal/leftist clauses and I am going to use it against you. Guess what? All lives won’t matter when I talk shit about your gubernatorial legacy then slap you in the face with a copy of the TPP. You scared? You should be....
So what do you say? My DMs are open or you can reply to this message. You have what it takes to wrestle me shirtless in my Arizona backyard? Two men, locked in a battle of brute strength and covered in baby oil. That sound good to you? Oh yeah and a word to the wise: wearing jeans is a backyard wrestling rookie move. You want grass stains? Out of respect to you, I will not attack till you remove your pants.
Let’s get ready to rumble!
See you in the snake pit,*
*not a real snake pit, that’s what I call my property. My wrestling name is the Viper and I have some bad ass faux-snakeskin pants I wear when I do battle. I’d put on one of my snake temporary tattoos but I’ve run out.