Nevermind. Ten. OK Computer. The Chronic. Ready to Die. Achtung Baby. Boy howdy, what a list.
Q. Besides being released in the 1990s, what do these albums have in common?
A. They are all gigantic pieces of shit compared to the one true opus of that heady decade: Pure Moods.
What's that you say? What's Pure Moods? Were you kicked in the head by a donkey recently? Seriously, either you've had a frontal lobotomy or were unborn if you don't remember this amazing compilation. Let me jog your memory a bit:
For me, Pure Moods will always be the soundtrack to the thrills, fears, and experiences that awaited me after graduating college and heading out to find my own way in the world. New city, new job, new friends, new independence... new responsibilities. What's to keep a Recently Minted Adult™ grounded? Why Pure Moods, of course.
We'll delve into all of the tracks in esquisite detail later. For today, let's just focus on the lead track: Return to Innocence by Enigma.
Holy shit this song has everything. Chanting in another language? Check. Velvety smooth vocals? Check. A drum beat sampled from Led Zeppelin? Check. The only thing that could make this song any better was if it came served on Kate Upton's tits or David Beckham's ass.
Lyrically, the song is unmatched. To wit:
Who doesn't love Love?
Know who's devoted? Dogs. Know who fucking rules? Dogs.
You know, I was just telling someone the other day that Feeling is, by far, my most favorite
HOLY SHIT HE READ MY MIND.
Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Hmmmmm, pay a grand for a half day Tony Robbins seminar, or ten bucks for the world's greatest album AND all the life lessons you will ever need? *Real* tough choice here [the level at which I am rolling my eyes due to the sarcasm of this last sentence in unprecedented].
Look, real genius only comes along very rarely. So in the short time we have before we shuffle off our mortal coils, spend it wisely. Spend it with Pure Moods.