A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks

Hello, gentlemen! Noted commerce and hip-hop music site recently ran this post about buying the perfect engagement ring.


I am aware that many of you are married, so presumably you have already followed the advice I'm about to set forth, and if you haven't then clearly your wives love you more than they love jewelry. Good for them for being better women than I am!

So now, as someone who both sells jewelry and loves it with the freakish passion usually reserved for bad sports teams and particularly good cheeseburgers, I'm going to lay out the single best trick to finding the ideal engagement ring for your ladyfriend.


Don't fucking worry about cut, clarity, weight of your diamonds. If you can't tell the difference, I guarantee you that she can't either. The VERY SMALL segment of the population who can tell the difference already knows exactly what they want and have stones and a setting design already on file with their jeweler of choice to make your life much easier.*


If you don't know her mother/grandmother/sister/best friend, and she is not pregnant, you probably shouldn't be marrying her.

If she is pregnant, a baby is forever in a way that even a diamond is not, and you still probably shouldn't be marrying her.


*Please don't decide to go your own way if you're with one of these people. Nothing ruins a proposal like getting an ugly ring and having to say no upon realizing that the person you're with clearly doesn't know you at all.

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