A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks

POP QUIZ: My Daughter Reviews "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road"

Welcome to another installment in our series. Match my three-year-old's reaction to a song from the famed Elton John double album Goodbye Yellow Brick Road with the song to which she was reacting. Also, look at my kid, because she's at her peak, cuteness-wise, but has only a few more years— tops— before she hits her decline phase.

A. [Hisses like snake; gives thin-lipped grin] "Belly! Belly!"

B. "SoSO the Chee-eese!"

C. "They sing 'Come On, Make-a' and then THE PIANO AGAAAAAIN!"

D. [Waves out window, sadly, then...] "HEY! Those signs are rectangles!"

E. "I like watching 'Pinocchio.' [Looks out window for two minutes] I like 'Caillou,' too."


F. [Furrowed brow for five minutes] "Whass in the hands? Happy song? This happy song now?"

G. "Cat wipes like this. [Licks hands] I dry my hands like this. [Wipes imaginary towel] I'm clean.

H. "They kicking and wrestling? [Does it sound like they're kicking and wrestling?] Yes. And kicking."

I. [Hums to self; shakes head to backbeat] "Sisser can ants... The organ goes doodledoo doodledoo."


J. "Goodbye? Blows the girl away?"

K. [Stares out window; waves fingers idly] "Sleep ady-ady... sleep ady-ady... [Returns to staring out window] THOSE billboards are rectangles, TOO! [After a minute] Can we put 'Get Back?' I want 'Get Back.'"


1. "Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding"

2. "Candle in the Wind"

3. "Bennie and the Jets"

4. "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road"

5. "Jamaica Jerk-Off"

6. "I've Seen That Movie Too"

7. "Sweet Painted Lady"

8. "Dirty Little Girl"

9. "Your Sister Can't Twist (But She Can Rock 'n' Roll)"

10. "Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting"

11. "Social Disease"

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