A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks

Reviews of Products I Have Not Purchased

Hi. Welcome to another series that I will say that I will write on a regular basis but won’t actually write on a regular basis.

Sometimes I want to buy things. And when I want to buy things, I do an assload of research on them before deciding what is the perfect thing to buy in that category of product. Then, after spending countless hours being very stressed about which thing to buy, I will either buy or not buy the product. So, I’m gonna review the products that I haven’t purchased.

Today, I am thinking about purchasing the Fitbit Charge HR. Why? Because I’m a sucker, that’s why. Look how nice it looks:


So cool, amirite? Or maybe it looks shitty. I really can’t decide.

Anyway, what do I want this thing for? Well, I’m kind of lazy and I’m trying to be less lazy. Maybe this thing will help me get off my lazy butt and force me to get up and move. But then again, do I really need some piece of shit half-watch on my wrist to motivate me to walk a little bit? That’s pretty sad if I do.

Oh, so this thing also has a heart rate tracker. That’s awesome! Although, I’ve never cared about my heart rate when I was working out before now. So why do I all of a sudden care about it? Well, I guess this thing would help me train more effectively and stay within optimal heart rate zones. That’s a good feature, so I’m definitely getting this product.

Wait a minute, though... some of the reviews say the heart rate monitoring isn’t that good. Maybe I should use chest straps? Or maybe I should get the Apple Watch? Or maybe the Basis Peak? Do I also want GPS? Couldn’t I just sync it with my phone if that’s what I wanted? But, really, I thought before that I didn’t even need heart rate monitoring so maybe I don’t even care if it’s not that accurate.


When does the Jawbone 3 come out? That’s supposed to be good. But also the Garmin Vivosmart seems like it could be a good product. I mean, the Withings Activite looks fucking AWESOME but I wouldn’t really want to wear a watch that nice while I’m exercising. How about the Moto 360? Maybe a smart watch is what I need. Or I could just do the Fitbit Flex. Why do I even want this shit in the first place? Most of the exercise I do is lifting weights anyway and this doesn’t really even measure anything while you’re lifting weights. Well, I guess it measures your heart rate so you can get some idea of how many calories you’re burning.

Why the fuck do you always do this? Why do you always waste all this time trying to figure this out? I’m just gonna buy it. Okay, shit. It’s sold out on Amazon. Wait... it’s sold out EVERYWHERE. You waited too long! You could’ve bought it three days ago when it was in stock and now you can’t get it for another two weeks. But, really, do you even need it? Are you actually going to use it? You’ve got two weeks to figure it out.



Anyway, that’s my life. I give this product an 8.5/10 in making me freak out.

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