A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks

Roundup - Wednesday, April 9 & Thursday, April 10 2014

You wouldn't believe the goddamn wringer Shitehawk puts us through for a Roundups gig. After living under his porch the past week, I'm halfway excited to write about you hilarious idiots. And the compensation! Lord!

In any case, here we are with the latest iteration of the Daily Roundups. But before that, some housekeeping. For those still reticent about the New And Improved Kinja Experience! [vomits; jams esophagus back into throat; swallows], the "View All Replies" format is essentially the same as the previous platform, wherein comments with the highest number of recommendations and, um, participants (read: +1's) will float to the top. The "Follow" option can also help you visually organize the minefield. The "Highlights" feature is shit, and if you're reading comments in this format, you are shit. Sure, the "Pending" barrier is 86, but the pixelated, unverified loudmouths from previous Kinjas still writhe on the ocean floor. So don't go scrollin' too far down … but if you must, please sign this waiver.


Senseless Apprentice has been convalescing in Cabo since the latest update, but he assures me the boredom is growing onerous, so he'll be back around this way soon enough. In the meantime, I'll spit these out as regularly as possible, so come to play, girls and boys. Now without further ado …

Yesterday's Favorites, in no particular order:

After a slow morning, marmol heater got things rolling in the Derrick Gordon post with some simple, clever wordplay. Hope you called "bank."

Here's a funny little ditty in the Team MMA post from resident dummy Same Sad Echo.

The Braves Burning Old Glory brought out the best in many, and RMJ=H gets credit for blasting one into Lake Lanier. This is one of those trademark RMJ jokes that dive-bombs a post before you know what hit you. And, most interestingly, the decrescendo as the imagined stadium realizes what's happened gives the follow through all the more zing. Here's your Comment of the Day, patriots!


In the same post, The Amazing Sneijderman had a rush of creativity and so went for seconds. We'll call 'em a stand-up triple and sac-fly respectively.

Also in the HOTlanta Flag post, Gawker Media's all-time rec leader, Hit Bull Win Steak, made a quick edit for some dry, observational humor. Good save.


Today's Favorites, in no particular order:

Quite a bit of Serious Discussion today, but good jokesters were still to be found. Like RMJ=H, who went for a little call-back to yesterday at the expense of Colin Cowherd. Hey, I'm a sucker for intratextuality. Oh yeah! Let's not forget Mizzou's revised football schedule this coming fall. Well done, idiot.


Given the potential for some awful shit in the Mizzou post (and there was plenty of that), the top comments over there are serious attempts at humor, including a chuckler from up-and-comer Joey Tallywacker, who's been on a solid run the last couple weeks. Stick around, friend.

Normally reply jokes don't show up here, but DougExeter brought the wood on some burner named captnsug in the Kaepernick post this afternoon. This is a more straight-forward, but by no means less effective, takedown of the type IronMikeGallego is known for around these parts. If IMG's method is death by a thousand papercuts, Exeter's is a kabar through the throat.


Also in the Kaep story, Nikkolai dropped some nice misdirection for some well-deserved +1's. You can have the Comment of the Day, but maybe dismiss some of those replies next time.

I'm really digging the voice of deadpan sarcasm that Milo Minderbender has found for himself.


Total Fucking Duds

Wow, grundlemaster, not only is this unfunny, it's downright revolting.

Someone check on whiskeyurthedevil's "publish" button to make sure it passes operational muster.


Apparently #FireTomLey is still a thing. Who knew?

[reads awa88's comment history; immediately resigns from writing Roundups]

I really hope jdunnfla isn't allowed to operate motor vehicles, because [wretch].


There you have it, folks. Omissions and complaints below. Enjoy your baseball; I have some cigarette burns in need of medical attention.

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