A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
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Sidespinnin' on the Dock of the Bay: It's Back

Illustration for article titled Sidespinnin on the Dock of the Bay: Its Back

So it's been a couple months since the last one of these, and for that I do not apologize in the slightest. It's back, and it's time.


Rules are the same as last time, and the time before, and all times before that. I'll try not to make it impossible, though some people, whose names may or may not have to do with a former UVA basketball player, will find fault everywhere.


Lets get down to business:

  • 1. I don't know how they've done it, but this group lucked into one of the most famous rock riffs in history. The rest of their work is garbage, and they're so clumsy they can barely put one foot in front of the other without messing up. Romo-esque, as described by one critic. Derp Purple (Talib's Rap Sheet)
  • 2. This recently-deceased classic country crooner was a big draw for the ladies. Owing to his chronic osteoporosis, however, he had to keep much of his body wrapped up while he performed. Instead of getting his autograph, fans had the chance to sign him. Johnny Cast (SponsoredbyV8)
  • 3. This rapper's humor and wit is second to none. He's so subtle that you'd never guess he spent 13 years getting an advanced degree in sound engineering designed for conformist consumers. Dr. Dry (DougExeter)
  • 4. With his trademark spitting style and frequent harmonica playing, this longtime singer/songwriter doesn't earn his stage name for no reason. It's purely functional. Bib Dylan (JDD)
  • 5. This pop heartthrob used to be part of a popular group, but had to drop out after making a difficult choice between the band and his fiancee, an oak tree. Justin Timberlike (CyrusTheVirus)
  • 6. While chowing down on pork sandwiches, cheeseburgers, and shellfish, this group from kind of near the urban streets still rakes in the money and the women. Backstreet Goys (I Like Cheap Beer)
  • 7. This band used to be good but then, in one fateful 24-hour period, sold out for millions and millions of dollars. This clue doubles as an accurate description of the real band's history. Greed Day (DougExeter)
  • 8. This folk duo is actually a composite of two former duos. The lead singer of the duo left a group in Africa after getting fed up with his partner's care-free approach to life. The second fiddle was also the second fiddle in his first band. Sorry, bud. Timon and Garfunkel (JDD)
  • 9. Owing to her start on Youtube, this sultry, fiery pop singer isn't always considered a true music star. In fact, her proclivity for eruptions during her performances diminishes her star potential. Lava Del Rey (JDD)
  • 10. This 1950s singer, actor, you-name-it rose to fame in an immensely pressurized era. In fact, his fame managed to fracture the stranglehold that bluesy Rock had on the rest of the industry. Frack Sinatra (JDD)

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