A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
Illustration for article titled Struggling With Counters

Look at Petros here, scrupulously measuring the base of the counter, making certain not to make any errors. As the old adage goes, measure twice, cut once. Petros has this tattooed on his chest, both as means to provide a constant reminder, and to cover the poorly-translated tattoo directly above his xiphoid process that reads Fuck A Turkey. If Petros had a dollar for every time a tattoo proclaiming one's disdain for a country had been confused for a statement in support of bestiality, then Petros would have a dollar, and Gianni wouldn't have had to pay for coffee this morning.


Petros came to Upstate New York from the beautiful island of Cyprus - a land deeply entrenched in ethnic cleavages and the stress of being pulled apart by two rival nations - looking for a better life for he and his family, where he was quick to ply his skills as a cabinet maker working alongside Gianni. If there's something to take from this anecdotal representation of the struggles that Petros and many like him experience, it's that kitchen counters are a symbolic representation of the decisions we make in life, and the mistakes that come with them. Some decisions we can't take back: use a table saw to take an inch off the end of the counter, only to find that your measurements were wrong, and the countertop costs in excess of $2000.00 and needs to be ordered 2 months in advance of installation. We can only deal with the repercussions and make the best of them.

In short, if you're going to get a vasectomy, you better make sure that you mean it.

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