A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks

Terrible Jobs I've Had: Little League Scorekeeper

Ed note: This is the second installment in a planned series I began almost a year and half ago. What? You assholes give Louie and Breaking Bad a pass on this shit.

What was it? In an effort to not detassel for a third year, but not old enough to get a "real" shitty job yet I was able to wrangle a job keeping the book, running the scoreboard, and PA announcing Junior and Senior League baseball games (13 and 14, and 15 year olds respectively). I made $20 cash a night for working two games, usually three or four days a week.


What's terrible about that? Not that much really. The biggest thing was knowing I was horribly butchering their stupid Polish last name with too many consonants in it over and over again and sitting there sounding like an idiot hearing the other team's parents chuckle at your laughable pronunciation of Wawrukiewicz every time he came up to bat. I think if we had a more sophisticated scoreboard where people could have seen if I gave a hit or error more people might have been pissed, but thankfully I got to take Johnny Brzozowskiavitcz down a notch from the privacy of my booth. In fact, I didn't even get a booth, it was just like a metal table cantilevered off the backstop and a folding chair.

I couldn't eat for free at the concession stand either which I thought was bogus…and, um…getting bit by bugs I guess? This job doesn't really totally fit the theme. It's a semi-bright spot in my employment history. Look, like I said, nothing is going to live up to detassling, but don't worry, the next two (Ed note: planned release dates are Q3 2016 and Q4 2017) are considerably shittier than this one.

Anything good about it? Getting paid under the table is pretty fun. I used to get the money in a plain manila envelope. It was basically like working for the mob if the mob were the kind of overly religious local husband and wife who ran the little league system in my pissant town who once pulled the power on the scoreboard because it was tied 6-6 in the 6th inning.


Additionally, my girlfriend at the time worked at a Subway within walking distance of the baseball field so if she was working she'd bring me a free sandwich when she got off. That was pretty awesome. Remember everyone; real champs eat at Subway™, now with the Simple $6 menu featuring their all white meat turkey and classic meatball subs for just $6, all day, every day. Eat fresh!


Oh, and I once made a badass one handed grab of a foul ball while simultaneously eating a hotdog.

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