The good guy in a white hat with the gun and a briefcase ran across a field. Into a train, he ran. Running, running, running. Three bad guys with black hats chased the guy with the gun. Those three guys were guys with guns too, big guns.
He ran through the fancy people part of the train and jostled a lady's drink.
"Hey hey! You bad man!" she exclaimed.
"The baddest," the good guy with the gun and the briefcase said.
The bad guys with black hats fired their big guns in the train. Everyone screamed, but the bullets hit nothing but the walls of the train. Boy did those walls have holes—so many holes!
"Get back here!" one of the bad men said.
"I do what I want!" the good guy with the gun said.
He ran and jumped and ran and jumped and then he ran into the poor people part of the train and opened the briefcase and threw handfuls of hundred dollar bills to all of the poor people.
"Take this so you won't be poor no more," the guy with the gun said.
"What a man!" said an old woman in a walker.
Then the guy with the gun kissed a lady, and she was like, oh my gosh, awesome!
Then the bad guys with the big guns came and shot up the poor people car. So much blood! This made the good guy with the gun mad.
"Hey! You don't do that!" the good guy said.
He used the power of his pure heart to heal the wounded and wake up the dead. Then the lady he kissed turned to a different lady and talked to her about honeybees.
"I'd love to stay," the guy with the gun and the briefcase said, "but I've got places to BEE!"
"Oh wow. That's like so cool," the bad guys with the big guns said. "He totally burned us."
The good guy with the gun and the briefcase jumped off the moving train and ran into a sunset field and took off his shirt because of sweat and he had blood on his body. He knelt down and opened the briefcase and pulled out a technology thing that made the bad guys go boom. They exploded all over the sunset.
"No, no. Now I've totally burned you," he said.
The good guy with the gun and briefcase took a JAMBOX by Jawbone out of the briefcase and played his favorite song, "Rude" by MAGIC!, and ate sixteen boxes of Dots.
The good guy in the white hat with the gun and the briefcase was Jay Cutler all along.