A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks


Without wasting more of the valuable time you're about to waste reading this, a friend of mine told me he saw White House Down and that it was an abortion of a film. Being a fan of both terrible cinema and a mother's choice (that's a veiled 'Fuck You' at the Second Vatican Council), I found a decent copy of the movie on Youtube and watched it in fragments the other night while pulling burrs off of my dog's ass hair.

To be fair, I'm not a film reviewer, but have seen enough of them to know a turd when its burning on my front porch, and this is a flaming bag of poo. After watching the film, I ended up clicking on another video on the right hand margin as people are wont to do, without any reason or purpose, consistent with many of the other choices I've made in life.


Lo and behold, I found this gem: an hour long video made by some woman analyzing the subliminal political messages in the White House Down trailer. Yes, you read that right, THE TRAILER.

[if the video above is not running, here's a link]

She's the prototype of the ignorant, under-educated American sheeple that is obsessed with numerology and New World Order bullshit. She's the caucasian female version of the morons who think Jay-Z is part of the Illuminati, because of course, a black guy from the Marcy Projects who once sold crack and wore oversized hawaiian shirts is a part of a fictional establishment apparently run by well-to-do and influential white males hoping to suppress governments and elected officials to control the world's markets.


The great thing about this video is that this woman is dumb as fucking fuck and you can literally click on any part of the video, and observe her adding random numbers found in the film together to make numbers like 9, 11 and 7, and a bunch of other useless numericals that are apparently of note or finding some symbolism that implies that the New World Order made White House Down to suppress the American people and their rights. YA. OK. LADY. I'm no math wizard, and perhaps Universal Enveloping Algebra could give his two cents, but I reckon you can add any fucking number to any fucking number and come up with a number that means something to someone.

This southern shadow of an empty shell loves to focus on the imagary in the film, much of which she backs up with useless and inconsequential facts from wikipedia searches. She concludes that many of the photos in the White House feature ex-Presidents, and a few feature Presidents that were assassinated, highlighting the fact that the New World Order is going to kill your President, and the lady who dances at Jilly's, and Becky who works the cash at Wegman's. Oh, the tragedy. At the 8:40 mark, she notices the photo of JFK in the White House, before delving deeply into the career of JFK and doing the worst job in the history of recorded time of drawing parallels between two events. At the 9;35 mark, she butchers the fuck out of his name, and I encourage all of you to watch that part if only to experience the same enjoyment I did when watching this, probably drunk, picking burr's out my dog's ass.

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